|RE: Getting It Built at Esalen||<– Date –> <– Thread –>|
|From: Rob Sandelin (robsanmicrosoft.com)|
|Date: Thu, 21 Apr 94 12:32 CDT|
Martin Tracy wrote about the Esalen workshop, hot-tubs, and Grass Valley cohousing breaking up over a conflict: Thanks for passing along the workshop info, I think it will be valuable. Esalen is a beautiful place. At Sharingwood we plan on acquiring a hot-tub this summer. My current understanding is that we will be putting it in the woods which will allow for privacy for nudity and I suppose we will need to talk about how to deal with nudity if someone has a problem with it. (My house has been referred to as a nudist colony in that we have a small pond and kids pool and most the little kids don't bother wearing clothes when they are playing. This has not been a problem yet, and all the parents seem fine with it.) I know of several communities which have spas and hot tubs which have no problems with nudity. However, many of these communities also have frankly discussed sexuality and worked out how to deal with that issue. Sexuality is a classic hidden issue in many communities and can really cause problems, especially in close shared quarters, if it is not openly acknowleged and dealt with. As far as the Grass valley group breakup, one of the first things a group should do is to figure out a conflict resolution strategy. It is sad and totally unecessary that a simple conflict should escalate to the point where it derails a community. Conflicts are a healthy and normal part of group process. The trick is to deal with them before they get to the fight or flight stage. I have also observed that sometimes the issue under conflict is only a flag for another conflict or conflicts which have been ignored or unseen. It is really important in a group endeavor that the members have a forum in which they can safely talk about their feelings. Business meetings don't work for this, you need a separate gathering for it and a process which allows open-ness and freedom to say what you really feel. Behavioral feedback, group open letters, feelings circles, wisdom councils are all ways to deal with unexpressed feelings. A good counselor/mediator can train a group in one or more of these methods and also provide mediation in conflicts. I wrote an article in the Winter issue of Cohousing Magazine about one way to set up such a forum, called a feelings circle and would be willing to send a copy of that article to any group who wants it if they send me a SASE. Rob Sandelin Puget Sound Cohousing Network 22020 East Lost Lake Rd Snohomish, WA 98290
Getting It Built at Esalen Martin Tracy, April 20 1994
- RE: Getting It Built at Esalen Rob Sandelin, April 21 1994
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