Re: Respectable
From: Rebecca Dawn Kaplan (
Date: Tue, 31 Jan 95 16:54 CST
John seems to feel very upset at having his statements about 
nonmonogamy challenged.  It seems John, that you are being rathe
r knee-jerk, not the people who questioned your attitudes.  Without
anyone having brought up Poly issues, you asserted that we should
not discuss them here, because to do so would make CoHo appear
less respectable, would make more people out there dislike us. You 
later defend yourself by claiming that you personally are not 
anti-poly.  But whether or not you are anti-poly is not the issue. You
did assert that we should silence this list on certain topics in order
to gain the respect of people out there who are anti-poly, therebyu 
implying that keeping the anti-poly people from being offended
is more important than allowing poly people to discuss their lives. 
This, itself *is* an anti-poly attitude. But, the problem I have
with it is not about polyamory per se, but about the assertion t
that we should pretend to be something other than we are in order
to gain the approval of bigots. It is one thing for someone to 
make an individual decision not to "come out" about some facet
of their lives when they are in a situation in which it
does not feel safe for them to do so. However, to argue that an 
entire group has an obligation to ensure that its members remain 
closeted *about somethign that we do not believe is wrong* in 
order to ensure the respectability of the movement is highly 
What else should we lie about?  Should we pretend that we are all
Christians? That we are all white? etc. 

I believe strongly in the principles of group living as a method to 
build community and increase social welfare and environmental 
sustainability.  I believe that compulsory monogamy is part
of the social system which I am trying to fight, as is class oppression.
If we sacrifice these facets of liberation in order that "cohousing"
be accepted, then what is left to work towards? (if we
are worried about people thinking we are commies, then we might 
be inclined to eliminate the shared-property facets of CoHo, but 
then, what would be left of it?  A more friendly suburb?)

If I can't dance, I don't want to be a part of this revolution.

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