Relationships and community (was Lot Development Model)
From: Stuart Staniford-Chen (staniforcs.ucdavis.edu)
Date: Wed, 12 Apr 95 19:24 CDT
Martin brings up a fascinating tangent I can't resist following:

> I see a good marriage as a community of two.  A couple who have a "rock  
> solid relationship are well-positioned for the group process needed for  
> community, don't you think? 


It certainly is not a requirement.  One of the wonderful things I think  
community can do is to stabilize relationships which aren't quite working  
out, or control damage in ones which have fallen apart altogether.  One of  
the things N St, and other communities, are seeing is break-ups in which  
both partners are able to continue to live in the community (though not  
together).  Intuitively, it seems to me that this has got to be much  
better for both the former partners and the kids (especially the latter).

I'm not even sure it helps all that much.  "A community of two" is so  
small that lots of things can be dealt with informally.  Agendas,  
facilitation, meeting minutes, scheduled workdays are not part of the  
trappings of most relationships!  (Except perhaps when they are in trouble  
- and therefore no longer "rock-solid")  And partners in strong  
relationships often have so many shared values that it is no preparation  
for coping with the diversity of views at a typical community meeting.

But maybe a rock-solid relationship is some preparation for living in  
community - anyone have good arguments for this?

Stuart.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Stuart Staniford-Chen           |       Dept of Computer Science
stanifor [at] cs.ucdavis.edu            |       UC Davis, Davis, CA 95616
(916) 752-2149  - work          |               and
(916) 756-8697  - home          |       N St. Cohousing Community
Cohousing pages are http://everest.cs.ucdavis.edu/~stanifor/cohousing.html

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