Cohousing-L Mailing List: Dysfunctional behaviors in group process

[Rob Sandelin (Exchange) (Robsan]

I have had the wonderful experience of observing quite a bit of =
dysfunctional behaviors in cohousing group process, both at home and =
attending meetings from other communities.  I am not being sarcastic =
when I say I have had the wonderful experience.  It is frustrating to =
watch as my own communities process crashes from time to time, but at =
least for me, it is a very valuable labratory to learn from.

At Sharingwood we are blessed to have a resident family counsler who has =
frequently steered members with conflicts and destructive communication =
tendencies on to some more helpful courses.  If we did not have this, we =
clearly would need an outside mediator.  We also have a committee whose =
charter it is to shepard the group process and be a resource for =
conflicts and communications and such issues.

I encourage every forming group to create a conflict resolution process =
early in your process, well before you get into any conflicts.  When you =
are embroiled in personality battles you may not be able to come to an =
agreement about how to resolve conficts and then you are stuck in a very =
vicious circle.  I reccomend using an outside mediator/counsler as one =
process I know of that has worked well.  Pick one early, encourage at =
least one group conflict resolution training session and then, when the =
train wrecks happen, don't hesitate to call for help.

Rob Sandelin
Sharingwood
Where my shrink (loosely speaking) is my neighbor - and I'm so glad he =
is.