Re: Why pets and kids are problematic issues in community
From: Stuart Staniford-Chen (staniforcs.ucdavis.edu)
Date: Mon, 3 Mar 1997 12:04:49 -0600
Rob Sandelin wrote:
> Guess what? In community, you will get feedback about your kids, and
> sometimes you will not like it.
>
> Sometimes this feedback comes as a shock to folks and so they react
> defensively and with denial: "What?, my little _____ would NEVER do
> that. This is where the problems begin. If the group can figure out a
> good way to honestly and openly examine and communicate the problems
> cleanly, you will be way ahead of the game.

I've certainly *seen* this.  However, often the person who has the  
problem sets the situation up that way (and I've certainly *done* this).   
If you wait till you are mad and then pounce aggressively on the (in  
your perception) offending parent, the parent is just about certain to be  
defensive.  If you bring the issue up gently and carefully, the parent  
in question at least has a chance to be flexible and open about it.

Incidentally, I strongly recommend Chapter 8 - "Communication Skills" of  
"Building United Judgement - a Handbook for Consensus Decision Making"  
for anyone who is facing a difficult episode of feedback or other  
communication.  It's really superb guidance.  (The book is $13 from the  
Community Bookshelf - http://www.crl.com/~eastwind/bookshlf.html).

Stuart Staniford-Chen
Cohousing Network Web-weaver
ex N St Cohousing
sort of Marsh Commons Cohousing

Results generated by Tiger Technologies Web hosting using MHonArc.