|Re: difficult members||<– Date –> <– Thread –>|
|From: Diane Simpson (dqsworld.std.com)|
|Date: Sun, 25 May 1997 22:47:18 -0500|
>Sorry to air our dirty laundry but we are obviously still dealing with the >whole thing. We decided to organise a consensus workshop for the group and >thought that would be the best way to re-introduce her to meetings, using a >common learning situation that we all need. >We are really under a lot of pressure to get the plans/costings in on time >so >that we can put a bid in for the land before the end of the financial >year, >otherwise we run the risk of losing our money. >Are we doing the right thing? + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + Well, I'm not a conflict-resolution expert like Rob, but I'll chime in with my two cents anyway. I have a few observations: 1) It's unfortunate that intra-group conflicts have to be considered "dirty laundry." I think one of the most useful purposes of this list is the ability to get rapid feedback from other people who have been in the same situations. I'd rather see more of these kinds of discussions and fewer about where to get building materials. (Just my personal preference folks!;.) Please don't hit me with a 2 x 4!!) 2) After two years of being on this list and attending cohousing conferences and workshops and housing conferences and architecture classes it has become palpably evident to me how little understanding we ordinary people have of the development process and the kinds of decisons that have to be made up front in order to keep a project on track. I just read in Cohousing Journal that now *another* cohousing community overspent on individual houses, and doesn't have enough money for the common house. Well, now what's the point of that? Why would you want to go through all the bother of creating a cohousing community and leave out one of its most important components? 3) Okay, are you ready? Yes, I'm going to get on my MISSION STATEMENT high horse again--clippity-clop-clippity-clop. If you don't have a mission statement, write one up fast! It should give some overall direction and guidance to the group so that intra-group disputes are viewed in light of the mission statement. The overall aim of your project is to get this built under budget and on time and that's a laudable goal. Sometimes individual goals will conflict with the overall goal, and that's natural. But someone should point out to this person that by delaying the project she is costing the whole group a lot of money and then that money will not be available for things like the commmon house. 4) The conflict resolution workshop idea is an excellent one. Even if it doesn't solve all of your problems you will still have a lot of fun. Perhaps the facilitator could frame some of the questions your group has to deal with in such a way that will enable members to understand how individual decisons affect the group as a whole. He or she will definitely give you some ideas on how to make your meetings more fun, so that at least you won't be so stressed-out after these long ordeals. 5) In my one year of attempting to organize a group, I have learned that cohousing is an incredibly site-driven, as opposed to a mission-driven, process. People don't stick around if you don't have a site, and then once you do, they appear in droves. One of the unfortunate byproducts of this state of affairs is that the members don't get to know one another until the development process is underway. That's a very hairy time! I heard it said in one architecture class that for the average building an architect has to make 17,000 decisons!!! I think someone should point out to the member in question that if everyone had a say in all 17,000 decisions for each building the project would never, EVER get off the ground! Well, I wish you luck, and I hope your project gets built on time. I'll look forward to visiting you if I ever get to Tasmania! ---Diane;.) (who may never get to Tasmania but is definitely going to Seattle!!) @@ @@ @@@@ Diane Simpson http://world.std.com/~dqs @@@@ | | J P C O H O U S I N G N E T W O R K | | | "| 263 Chestnut Ave. #1 |" | | V| Boston, MA 02130-4436 617-522-2209 |V | ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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