|Re: Members Leaving Cohousing Groups||<– Date –> <– Thread –>|
|From: Joani Blank (jeblankic.org)|
|Date: Thu, 26 Feb 1998 18:04:48 -0600|
Blueberry Hill and others: People's commitment to a cohousing group is a voluntary association. People may and will leave at all stages before, during and after any stage from group formation through move-in. Usually, I think , people leave because their individual goals, wishes or expectations conflict too much with how they expected the group would go on whatever matters that they care a lot about. A decision to stay with a community is a decision to buy into group norms even though they may conflict to a greater or lesser degree with individual desires or preferences. I can see how any individual (or household) can find themselves--perhaps even quite suddenly--at odds with the community on one big issue or a myriad of little ones that, taken as a whole, make it impossible for him/her/them to stay connected. with the group. Of course if the "impasse" is created by misunderstandings and miscommunications, steps can be taken to prevent or remedy that. But if it is a matter of strong differing opinions on one or more important issues, the group needs to graciously let go of that person or household. The longer I have been associated with cohousing (almost 6 years now) the more I am convinced that there is no way to predict in advance of "accepting" new members, how good the fit for that person/household will be in the group. Therefore, I am a devoted of fan of the "no screening" way for welcoming new households into the group. I trust households to screen themselves both in and out of groups. This means that there will be times when an individual or household seems to be fitting in to the group really badly. If it gets unpleasant enough, that person will undoubtedly leave, even though they may still like a lot of things about the community or are very close to some individuals in it. So be it. Joani Blank Doyle Street CoHousing and Old Oakland CoHousing
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