|Re: Too close for comfort....maybe||<– Date –> <– Thread –>|
|From: Pablo Halpern (phalpernnewview.org)|
|Date: Tue, 19 May 1998 10:01:06 -0500|
At 05:23 PM 5/17/98 -0500, Tonka444 wrote: > >I am a relatively open-minded person and was surprised when I became >uncomfortable at several different times during the weekend. Others have spoken quite well to the need for building trust within the group. However, as an open-minded person, you also need to trust your own feelings about what feels right. One possibility for why you were uncomfortable is that you were a newcomer to a group that had already developed a certain level of intimacy. Our group has struggled at times to integrate new people when the rest of the group had been together for a long time. We never really did figure it out. The group you're describing might be having a similar problem. If this is the case, ask for help and you might develop more comfort as time goes on. On the other hand, it is possible that some of this sharing, handholding and singing was inapproriately intimate and forced. The group might have been trying to skip a few steps of community building by substituting ritual for the organic process. This "we are one happy family" thing can actually make real connection, which includes conflicts, harder to achieve. You will have to use your own judgement about whether this is what is happening and you will have to figure out for yourself whether the group is genuine enough at heart to get past it. Sometimes it takes a while for a group to figure out its own style(s). Cohousing shouldn't feel like a continual encounter group. On the other hand, some days you can't help but feel that way. Our group, now living together for over two years, is still trying to figure out how to deal with conflicts without them turning into pissing contests. While we struggle with specific conflicts, the community does feel a little like an encounter group. Another way to look at it, however, is that an encounter group should feel like a community! p.s. We at New View do sometimes hold hands and sing, but we don't do it all the time and we don't expect universal participation. - Pablo Halpern ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pablo Halpern phalpern [at] newview.org 22 Half Moon Hill (978) 263-9095 Acton, MA 01720-2449
- Too close for comfort....maybe Tonka444, May 17 1998
- Re: Too close for comfort....maybe Roman Bitner, May 19 1998
Results generated by Tiger Technologies Web hosting using MHonArc.