|I'm even more frustrated!||<– Date –> <– Thread –>|
|From: Sharon Villines (SharonVillinesprodigy.net)|
|Date: Fri, 10 Jul 1998 12:49:26 -0500|
I've been in email contact with the original "I'm frustrated" poster since his first post as well as with other people who are familiar with his situation. When I sent him my first email, I said I was posting to him instead of the group because I didn't want to get into a PC flame war. He couldn't understand why. I think he now understands. One of the things that attracted me to cohousing--as distinct from other intentional community ventures--was the acceptance of individuals and groups responsibly determining their needs and wants without ideological and moral judgements. There is no inconsistency with the goals of cohousing and the choice of gold faucets in the bathrooms in the common house or the choice of a rubber hose connected to a hand pump outside--as long as each group has consensus on the decision and shares the values this decision implies. The issue is how the decisions are made. As others have noted and as many of the early intentional communities discovered, community is about more than inclusion at the expense of viability. And viability, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Yes, "I'm frustrated" is new to cohousing. Yes, if he had been reading this list for a long time he would have understood what was happening to him and might have averted it. Yes, if his group had had more training in decision making before they made any decisions it would have been better. But everyone starts somewhere. Attacking him for objecting to a negative experience is not helpful. And criticizing him for saying that an Olympic size swimming pool happens to be important to him is certainly not helpful. How many communities would you join that ridiculed the things you cared about? Save your flames please, they take up a lot of space in the world. And are not helpful. (Said she, flamingly.) Sharon Villines, Moving to Florida July 29 Synergy Cohousing, Delray Beach, FL http://www.cohousing.net
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