|RE: Through the looking glass #2||<– Date –> <– Thread –>|
|From: Rob Sandelin (Floriferousclassic.msn.com)|
|Date: Sat, 8 Aug 1998 21:07:49 -0500|
Moving into cohousing is a major life transition for everyone involved. Most people will have had little to no experience living in a close community of neighbors, and will have expectations about it, some that will turn out to be unrealistic. There is a adjustment phenomena that I have heard in so many groups, and watched in all my neighbors, that I believe it approaches universality. I call it the cohousing bump of acceptance. What happens in most everybody is that somewhere in your life as a cohouser, you get into some unhappy encounter, or you see things you can't fix, or whatever and you go through your head and say.....I don't think I can live like this. Most folks survive this, some don't and move out. Its normal. If you thought creating cohousing was a challenge just wait until your group talks about some gut wrenching living together issue, like kid behavior, sex, pets, privacy, guns, safety, strangers, etc. You may not be able to resolve all these issues, should they come up. This too is pretty normal. One thing that occurs in cohousing is that if your group is lucky, you will get some honest and direct feedback about things. This may be the first time in your life this occurs and it can be scary and annoying. Most people never really hear honest feedback about their kids for example. Teachers don't, grandparents? Not likely, other parents? Not usually. So if your little darling is causing problems, you will hear about it. If you don't, I would be worried about your group if I were you. When people live in a community and don't honestly give each other information and feedback it usually results in a significant conflict/crisis later. Cohousing reality lies somewhere between the potential and the glitches. Don't lose sight of the potential when you get tripped up in the glitches. Remember that relationships and people things can be changed. Eventually. Rob Sandelin Coming up on 9 years in cohousing
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