|RE: Circumstantial Community -Relationship expectations.||<– Date –> <– Thread –>|
|From: Rob Sandelin (floriferousemail.msn.com)|
|Date: Sun, 1 Aug 1999 21:25:04 -0600 (MDT)|
In my travels around the communities of the NW I notice a wide variation in the relationships between people of different communities. In some places, those relationships are very close, family-like, with a great deal of time spent supporting and interacting with each other. In other communities the relationships are considerably more distant, in fact, in one case, almost strangers who have little contact with each other. In my workshops I sometimes use a connection scale excercise. I draw a line with a 1 on one end and a 10 on the other. Then I describe this as the relationship line, with 1 meaning I really don't want any relationship with my neighbors-I prefer to be very private, 5 means I want more relationship with my neighbors than a typical neighborhood, and 10 meaning I want a group Family with my neighbors, with strong emotional ties and support. I then have them mark on a card a number representing where they would be on that scale. Then I collect them and tally them. What is fascinating to me, is that in cohousing groups the scale is sometimes very broad, meaning there are 2-3's, and 9-10's. I then use this spread as a teaching tool to explore participation and expectations issues. In other types of communities I have not done this excercise nearly as much but in the few cases I have done so the scale has not been so broad. One of things this suggests to me is that people enter cohousing for very different reasons, and this lack of unity of reason for joining may lead to unexpected results. For instance, I have had several interviews with people where one person in a couple relationship really wants a close community and the other does not, but is going along with their partner. I have heard this several times from other sources,and also seen it in my own community as well so I beleive this is not uncommon. My own conclusions are that community is the expectation of relationships with your neighbors. In a circumstantial community I have no expectation of interacting with my neighbors other than at the most general level. I do not expect them to loan me a car, bring me food if I am ill, or care about me and my life. Conversely, I expect all of those things of my neighbors in an intentional community. If you expect to interact and spend time and rely on your neighbors for support,and to give support in return, then your community level can be measured against the realization of that intention. One of the things I am interested in is specific activities,actions, events that groups use to enhance their relationships. Rob Sandelin Northwest Intentional Communties Association Building a better society, one neighborhood at a time
RE: Circumstantial Community -Relationship expectations. Rob Sandelin, August 1 1999
- Re: Circumstantial Community -Relationship expectations. RodLambert, August 10 1999
- RE: Circumstantial Community -Relationship expectations. Fred H. Olson, August 13 1999
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