|Re: Arguments and Arguing||<– Date –> <– Thread –>|
|From: Bitner/Stevenson (lilbertearthlink.net)|
|Date: Wed, 25 Aug 1999 21:21:22 -0600 (MDT)|
I have to second this statement, Sharon. (We often think alike). There is a member of my community who is extraordinarily passive aggressive. She has this whole schtick where she won't discuss anything negative with anyone, using the excuse that they are angry, and that she is "afraid" when they are angry. She not only won't try to solve problems, she makes them worse by blaming people for getting angry with her. She practically accuses one of being abusive, then talks about how you're in denial. I'm not the only one who would like to strangle her on occasion. Other times, she is delightful. I make this point because there are alot of people in the world, cohousing people included, who are afraid of anger, not just violent expressions of it. They are often the most angry people in the world, and that is why they are afraid. I think it is not helpful to focus on the expression of it so much that we forget that there are lots of ways to harm the community without yelling and screaming. In this case, being someone who is completely unapproachable without ever raising her voice. In many ways,(here I go again with the analogies-will I never learn? Who will criticize me now?) it is like adolescent boys and girls. Troubled youths are equally divided among the sexes, but the boys get far more intervention, because they tend to act out, rather than internalizing. Meanwhile, the girls who never get help go on to perpetuate the problems with the next generation of children. I know this is a vast generalization here, but my point is that by focusing on loud outbursts, you miss 90% of the rest of the problems that need intervention. -- Liz Stevenson Southside Park Cohousing Sacramento, California ---------- >From: "Sharon Villines" <sharonvillines [at] prodigy.net> >To: Multiple recipients of list <cohousing-l [at] freedom.mtn.org> >Subject: Arguments and Arguing >Date: Thu, Aug 26, 1999, 1:44 AM > > To get along in cohousing you just have to do two things--don't bother > anyone and don't be easily bothered.
Arguments and Arguing Sharon Villines, August 25 1999
- Re: Arguments and Arguing Bitner/Stevenson, August 25 1999
- Re: Arguments and Arguing Victoria, August 25 1999
- Arguments and Arguing Sharon Villines, August 26 1999
- Re: Arguments and Arguing Sharon Villines, August 26 1999
- Re: Arguments and Arguing Unnat, August 26 1999
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