Re: Anger and Arguments
From: Sharon Villines (
Date: Mon, 30 Aug 1999 07:34:34 -0600 (MDT)
> It is possible to express  anger effectively (for the angry person
> and the person at whom they are angry) by tensing the jaw and saying in a
> VERY low voice, "I'm really, really angry (or mad or furious) at you
> for....................!" It also helps to use terms like "disappointed,
> betrayed, double crossed, cheated, shocked, stunned if you can muster
> them," Or  slang like "pissed off."  The low, intense voice is often even
> more effective than yelling in my experience.

I think the most interesting part of this discussion on expressing anger
(for those of who assume that people get angry) is that this would be
considered to be preferable to yelling.

I'm sure this directed tension is as, or even more, "effective". But would
everyone prefer it? To me this kind of reaction is frightening. I would walk
a big circle around anyone who carefully controlled and directed their anger
this way--and keep walking.

Interestingly, it also avoids "I" statements--this is very YOU oriented. I'm
angry with you, not I'm angry, I feel bad, I'm unhappy.

Sharon Villines

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