Re: Difficult behaviors
From: S (
Date: Mon, 4 Oct 1999 09:10:09 -0600 (MDT)
Hi, Rob.
Let's call the subject "Ernie".
The "clearing" was fascinating to me, as is most of cohousing sociology.
The meeting was a portion of our general community meetings twice a month.  The
clearing part was requested by "Ernie" who was the subject of a conflict 
process which began two weeks earlier.  I think s/he felt that s/he a) wanted 
to verify the
accusations made, and b) wanted to see if s/he had more support from the 
group than s/he was seeing in the conflict resolution process itself.
About 1/2 the community had not been affected by the problem.  So, as we went
"round robin", they mostly expressed their general philosophy about diversity 
dealing with "differences".  This in itself was good for the group and set a 
good general
tone for the community discussion.
        However, the other half had been directly affected by "Ernie's" 
personal, and unprovoked attacks.  (S/he is also aging and suffers from hearing 
problems and the resulting comprehension difficulties.) They carefully brought 
specific instances and recounted the personal emotional impacts on both the 
relationships and, since s/he had actually been a part of the construction 
committee, their impacts on the costs and progress of the construction.
        The effect was not immediately clear.  Since s/he seems not to be in 
control of 
his/her moods all the time but was in a seemingly stable one for the meeting, 
reaction seemed appropriate.  S/he expressed remorse.
        Since then, s/he has withdrawn to her house -- hopefully doing some 
Last night she appeared at an all-community party and we appreciated her being 

Well, back to work.

>                           COHOUSING-L Digest 159
> Date: Sun, 3 Oct 1999 08:41:17 -0000
> From: "Rob Sandelin" <floriferous [at]>
> To: <scowley [at]>,
> Subject: RE: Dealing with difficult behaviors
> Message-ID: <000001bf0d7b$1295aa00$73c9183f@default>
> Scott wrote about a person with mood issues and said:
> Case #1 experienced a community-wide "clearing" during our general
> > community meeting (at her request, after a formal conflict 
> > process was initiated).  
> > Although not solved, the problem has become manageable.
> I am curious. Can you describe the "clearing" that was done.
> Rob Sandelin
> Northwest Intentional Communties Association
> Building a better society, one neighborhood at a time 

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