Re: Musings on polyamory thread
From: RowenaHC (
Date: Thu, 21 Oct 1999 07:20:19 -0600 (MDT)
There seem to be two opposing ideas running through this thread.  The first 
is whether it is anybody's business who is sleeping with whom, and most 
people would say "no, if they keep it to themselves."   This is the "I don't 
care what they do so long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the 
horses" school of thought.   Unfortunately, it is very difficult to be 
totally discreet, and many people who indulge are really rather pleased with 
themselves and choose to "accidentally" let the cat out of the bag.   After 
all, our perverse culture gives bragging rights to sexual athletes!

The second is whether adultery (let's call a spade a spade folks) is likely 
to lead to increased closeness and community.  Those of us who lived through 
the 60s/70s, when this kind of activity was given a liberal political gloss, 
will likely agree that the answer is: absolutely not.   I know from 
experience that this kind of philandering (as opposed to institutionalized 
polygamy or polyandy) leads to a break down of trust and withdrawal of 
closeness in a community more often than not.  And, of course, it leads to 
considerable anxiety on the part of children who generally disapprove of 
anything that lessens ties of parents to each other.  And, yes, it is quite 
likely to lead to divorce.

I also happen to agree, based on life experience not TV, that adultery is 
generally male driven, although there are some exceptions, of course.

Guess I'm showing my age.  My answer back in the 60s before I seen the 
results of adultery would likely have been quite different!

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