Re: Defining "the cohousing principle"
From: Jose Marquez (marchpowerworldnet.att.net)
Date: Wed, 29 Mar 2000 14:18:59 -0700 (MST)
Vera said:
> Community dining. Pioneered in Denmark, really appeals to some, but
frankly,
> does not appeal to a lot of others. I am married to a guy who hates eating
in
> public. We do a lot of take outs but rarely stay to eat on premises. No
way
> do we want a community where common eating is de rigeur, nor do we want to
invest
> in a commercial kitchen. I think community dining ought to be downplayed
when
> portraying cohousing to the public, and relegated to a list of options
that
> groups consider, among things like greenhouses or permeable pavement.

I think community meals in a common house can maintain the community over
the long run, though, as membership fluctuates.  Otherwise it seems a left
over remnant from 60's style communes somewhat.  However, on the practical
side, if you want to have more community interaction where do you eat if you
want to combine a meeting with potluck?  Always at the biggest house?  It's
nice to have the option, I think, and very hard to build later sometimes.

Also, eating in a CH and eating out can be VERY different!


> Consensus process and reliance on many community-wide meetings. Myself, I
have
> had to endure many meetings both in workplace and voluntary groups, and
have
> gradually turned into a  meeting hater. The clincher was a Quaker business
meeting
> after church I once attended -- top notch process, but the vast majority
of
> issues were of the kind that could easily have been taken care of by a
conference
> call some evening.

Yes....BAD meeting facilitation & trying to do EVERYTHING in whole group
meetings will make almost anyone a meeting hater!  Try, though, to not link
"consensus" with over-use of meetings.  In our community we do our best to
use committees to do most work and meetings are more for final decisions and
reports.  ALSO...whenever I hear the "it could be so quickly handled by a
couple people..." a red flad goes up in my mind.  I am of the tendancy to
want to quickly handle stuff myself, BUT I am constantly reminded of the
vast array of perspectives out there and just because I see a clear answer
doesn't mean it will work for everyone!  Sometimes more time spent (using
good communication skills) in a Consensus Meeting is worthwhile!

> to do business online, phone, etc.,

Phone conferences can work for small committees, but you trade ease of
communication for ease of meeting (less travel if you're not moved in
yet).....Email is good for sending out info but can easily lead to
miscommunications and then you spend lots of time dealing with that!

> Cohousing, to move into the mainstream, must appeal to people
> who are less than what I call "pathologically sociable." (I am joshing!
:-)
> Most folks do not want their life to be swept up in community activities,
the
> way Kay from Utah describes. Most folks want neighborliness that does not
> become
> a stone around one's neck.

Then they can buy a house pretty much anywhere and enjoy casual
relationships with neighbors.  It doesn't make sense to water-down cohousing
when the rest of the world offers that very thing.  Cohousing is about
taking the time to honor each other's differences (not just ignore and
tolerate...although these are good too) and taking enough time to make sure
that the individuals joining the community have enough in common to enjoy
living together.  If you want kids but don't want to waste time talking on
and on about childrearing issues, then you may end up with a neighbor that
believes wooden spoons were invented to spank baby bottoms!  Community,
though, does take time.....and I mean it takes time to develop (years and
years) and mature....it also takes time to actually get to know the people
around you both before choosing to live together and after you all move-in,
etc.

You know, I hear what your frustrations are, Vera.  They are very real
problems that exist throughout the world...including in cohousing
situations.  Knowing what and when to delegate tasks, TRUSTING the process,
TRUSTING the community, TRUSTING the goodwill of members, developing a
devoted Dynamic Facilitation Team, REVIEWING guidelines for effective
communication (checking assumptions, etc.), and LEARNING TOGETHER!

I believe that learning all of these lessons together has ingrained them in
our minds and we have truly learned from experience.  I've been hearing a
lot lately on this list about how to avoid the tough stuff.  Building
frustrations, too much time in meetings, living together issues/common
meals, etc.....these are all very valuable to move through as a community.
Just as children say, "Let me try it and learn from my mistakes."

YES...you can avoid some mistakes and learn from others' experiences
NO....you can't have meaningful community without some of the tough stuff
too

Moving into our newly build community in June!
March

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