RE: have kids" "have nots" fighting over site
From: Eris Weaver (
Date: Sat, 9 Jun 2001 08:03:01 -0600 (MDT)
At one point our group had gotten stuck over a particular site -- some folks
wanted it, others hated it, etc.  (It was actually an existing condo complex
but in a neighborhood some thought was too funky.)  It met many of the
criteria that we had agreed upon -- what town, etc.

What turned us around: re-framing the question not to "do *I* want to live
on this site?" to "is it in the best interests of THE GROUP to pursue this
site?"  We immediately went from about 50/50 to FULL CONSENSUS that we
should pursue it.  (Unfortunately it had already been sold.) Rob Sandelin
was instrumental in helping us re-frame it that way -- we had him up for a
workshop, which I highly recommend!

Remember, consensus means giving permission, NOT we all totally agree on

It also sounds like it might be time for your group to split into two or
more.  Let the folks who like the current site go for it, and split the
others off into a second group. When we decided to pursue that condo
complex, we lost some folks.  THIS IS OK AND A NORMAL PART OF GROUP
EVOLUTION. It was a hard decision to make, partly because one of the people
who left had been a major leader in the group.  It is scary to contemplate
moving forward on a site when your group is smaller -- BUT once you have a
site it is actually easier to get more members because the whole thing is
more concrete. When we found out that the complex had been sold, we spent a
lot of time getting much clearer about where we wanted to be.  Once we found
our current site, the size of our group magically doubled.  Once we got our
designs done, it doubled again.  We are now full with a waiting list, and
haven't even broken ground yet.  AND some of the people who left earlier
have come back!

Eris Weaver                                erisw [at]
Sonoma County, Northern California

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