Remembering-About May
From: Elizabeth Stevenson (
Date: Sun, 6 Jan 2002 18:54:01 -0700 (MST)
The following was an email conversation with May D'Marie last summer. Her
reply was quintessential May - totally cracked me up.
I wrote to the whole community:

On Tuesday morning, my kids and I are going camping for a couple of days.
Since I divested myself of equipment through attrition over the years (Romy
doesn't do camping), I am in need of a few items. I hope that some of you
are willing to lend me some gear.

-tent, preferably a big one, or two small ones
-camping stove, any kind
-2 sleeping bags, rated for really cold weather(we'll be at 5K ft.)
-inflatable mattresses and/or pads(I am *so* creaky if I have to sleep on
the ground!)
-and lastly, wood for a campfire. I'm just putting this out there if there
are folks who have stuff they know they won't be using. I can certainly buy

Thank you for your kind contribution to my mental health.


May's reply:

> From: maydm <maydm [at]>
> Date: Mon, 20 Aug 2001 21:54:08 -0700
> To: Elizabeth Stevenson <tamgoddess [at]>
> Subject: Re: stone soup camping
> Dear Liz, I am sorry that I cannot help you in any way with camping
> gear. I do hope you have a great time. Love, May

May was the kind of person who felt a strong responsibility to everyone.
Even a casual email request was important to reply to. Her formality was
often firmly tongue in cheek, and her humor bone-dry.

Last night, we had our community ceremony to say goodbye and to give her a
proper sendoff. The ceremony included group singing of peace songs,
instrumentals by community members, storytelling about May, and several
hearty laughs as well as plenty of tears. The moving opening ceremony was to
have everyone light a candle and put it in a large container which was
filled with sand, while speaking one word that described May. The first one
was "pig-headed", so you can guess the ritual was not too stuffy. But so
many other words came to describe her: peace-loving, kind, prickly,
strength, stubborn, caring, activist, funny, etc.

After that, we gave her a proper Irish wake. Well, maybe it was more, uh,
Scotch...Several of us hardy souls sent her out properly by getting drunk on
very good single malt scotch and Drambuie, provided by Big Ben, to whom we
are all indebted. 

Reminiscing about May was so very wonderful and healing. We talked and
danced and sang and talked some more. After the party was over, my next-door
neighbor and I sat on my porch and talked for another two hours. May gave so
many gifts to our community. We will never be the same, but her parting gift
to us was to bring us even closer together. In death, as in life, May has
been a catalyst for change.

My wish is that each person reading this will have the opportunity to live,
and die, in a community that cares as deeply for her/him as we cared for
May. What a great way to go.

Liz Stevenson
Southside Park Cohousing
Sacramento California
tamgoddess [at]

Cohousing-L mailing list
Cohousing-L [at]  Unsubscribe  and other info:

Results generated by Tiger Technologies Web hosting using MHonArc.