Re: Some advice for forming communities
From: Jasmine Gold (
Date: Tue, 22 Jan 2002 15:05:01 -0700 (MST)
> > Generally, the
> > feeling with the discussions and policies has been that we
> don't want to
> > set lots of rules until we move-in and see whether we have a
> problem.
> By analogy, then, would these people get married without
> developing agreements about handling money, outside
> relationships, housework, etc., etc., choosing to wait to see
> if they have a problem after they're married?

If you go back to my original e-mail, my comments seem to be getting
taken out of context. My original e-mail stated that we would be making
as much or as little agreements as were need to address the concerns and
desires that were raised by the group members. If there are two major
opposing viewpoints, we would need more rules to address these than if
everybody has fairly similar views. To take the example of money in
marriage. If both people were not major spenders, they would not need
lots of bugeting to make sure they didn't spend too much money. If one
of them was a major spender, they might decide they need to be more
careful in budgeting. However, if they didn't know exactly what their
income and fixed expenses would be after marriage, I don't see that it
would be advantageous to set up lots of different budgets in advance
based on various levels of available spending. This is what I seem to
hear you advocating.

Instead, in SoCoHo, we are defining the issues, deciding which ones need
agreements and how detailed they need to be to address the concerns and
desires of the group, and not making rules based on assumptions about
what might happen. 

--Jasmine, Sonoma County Cohousing, Cotati, California
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