RE: conflict resolution process | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Rob Sandelin (floriferousmsn.com) | |
Date: Sat, 9 Feb 2002 13:23:00 -0700 (MST) |
For your group I would recommend hiring a local outside family counselor who has training as a mediator. The advantage of this is that it solves the issues NOW, and it is really important to have success solving issues. Things that drag on unresolved for long periods of time undermine the group confidence, and also its relationships. It can hang a unhappy, unhealthy cloud over the whole community. YUCK....... Conflict training is a whole group activity that takes several months to be successful. First you need to learn about conflict styles, you need to have people identify their conflict styles, then you need to learn how each style works with resolution process, then you need to practice, practice, practice. It is naive to think there is one process that works for everybody, or that you can adopt some community process and its going to work. Sorry, different styles of conflict require very different approaches. The most common conflict style is avoidance, and this style requires a very different process than the "erupter" style does. A very common mistake is groups put into place a process for the erupter style, and the conflict avoiding style do not resolve their issues because that process will not work for them. I once spent several hours on a flight with a trained mediator. She knew 42 resolution processes, 3-4 for each style of conflict. Your group will not be able to come up to this level. It is to your groups advantage to build a relationship with an outside mediator. Many groups try self mediation. My observation is that this fails most of the time primarily because the mediator is not well trained enough. Only if you have PROFESSIONAL TRAINED mediators in your group will you be likely to succeed in self mediation. One thing that groups can do very successfully is spend time looking in the shadows for behaviors that are not helpful for the group. Identify actions that cause people to lose trust. Identify actions which build trust. Make this clear, so people who act in ways that undermine the group are put on notice that people are paying attention. And of course, when actions happen, call it on the spot, put the light on the action. If one or two people continually hold this action, by putting the light on the action it is a great way to help them modify their behaviors. And the ultimate end result usually ends up they change that behavior because they realize they can't do that anymore, or they leave. But focus the light on the action, not the person. There is a whole set of intervention ideas in some writing I did. You can find it at http://www.ic.org/nica/Book/Cover.htm Rob Sandelin -----Original Message----- From: cohousing-l-admin [at] cohousing.org [mailto:cohousing-l-admin [at] cohousing.org]On Behalf Of Kate Nichols Sent: Saturday, February 09, 2002 8:17 AM To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org Subject: [C-L]_conflict resolution process Our community has no process for handling conflicts or grievances. We are in a spaghetti of a mess right now and need a process. I looked up conflict resolution in the archives, but kept running into messages that were no longer available. Could I please get processes from other groups or resources. thank you, Kate Nichols, Bellingham Cohousing, Bellingham, WA -- _______________________________________________ Cohousing-L mailing list Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org Unsubscribe and other info: http://www.communityforum.net/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l _______________________________________________ Cohousing-L mailing list Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org Unsubscribe and other info: http://www.communityforum.net/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l
- Re: Cohousing and Televison: a Classic Clash of Values, (continued)
- Re: Cohousing and Televison: a Classic Clash of Values Michael D, February 8 2002
- Re: Cohousing and Televison: a Classic Clash of Values Howard Landman, February 9 2002
- conflict resolution process Kate Nichols, February 9 2002
- Re: conflict resolution process Sharon Villines, February 9 2002
- RE: conflict resolution process Rob Sandelin, February 9 2002
- RE: conflict resolution process Tree Bressen, February 10 2002
- alternatives to violence Robyn Williams, April 7 2002
- Re: Cohousing and Televison: a Classic Clash of Values Michael D, February 1 2002
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