Re: what motivates an outburst/ managing outbursts | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Cheryl A. Charis-Graves (ccharisjeffco.k12.co.us) | |
Date: Wed, 17 Apr 2002 09:05:01 -0600 (MDT) |
I am finding this topic both interesting and extremely relevant to what I perceive is happening in my community. I believe this is a complex issue, one not easily categorized or remedied (is that an obvious statement?). I, too, find the language of "needs" more helpful than the "thinking/ feeling" continuum. In my work, addressing the question of "What do you need?" has been essential to the successful resolution of any number of concerns and problems. However, my experience in the community has been different. We talk a lot about differences in expectations, but not much about needs. The language of "What I need" seems to not be present. I have even heard one person respond to the query, "What is behind your concern? What do you really need?" with extreme anger that the speaker was digging into her personal psyche. I heard the question as relevant and caring; she heard the question as violating her personal boundaries. In my personal experience, I have learned to remain silent when I am experiencing heightened emotions in a large group meeting. I need time to process what is going on. Later, when I am clear about what was happening, I have had tremendous success identifying follow-up action to address my concern. I have NEVER been happy with the outcome if I express my emotions in the moment. I end up feeling "wrong" or I feel I have expressed myself in a way that made someone else "wrong." For me, I always regret those moments and have worked very hard to stop myself from reacting in the moment and giving myself the gift of time to process it through BEFORE I act. Another dynamic that seems relevant is the appropriateness of the forum. Is a business meeting the place to delve into personal needs? In our community, we have talked about the fact that a community meeting is not group therapy. And yet we are people with needs and with varying levels of self-awareness and with varying abilities to express ourselves, our needs, our feelings. In an intimate relationship, you have permission to deal with the relationship issues at a different level. In a meeting with 40 people, there is the issue of vulnerability and personal safety. How public does one have to go with one's baggage in order to facilitate effective process in a meeting where the primary focus is group problem- solving and decision-making? I appreciate the level of discussion. I appreciate the experiences and perspectives of those who have posted on this topic. While I would not want to monopolize the list, I am interested in learning and discussing more on this topic. Thanks, Cheryl Harmony Village, Golden CO _______________________________________________ Cohousing-L mailing list Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org Unsubscribe and other info: http://www.communityforum.net/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l
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what motivates an outburst/ managing outbursts Trina Rotskoff, April 17 2002
- Re: what motivates an outburst/ managing outbursts Sharon Villines, April 17 2002
- Re: what motivates an outburst/ managing outbursts Maggi Rohde, April 18 2002
- Re: what motivates an outburst/ managing outbursts Cheryl A. Charis-Graves, April 17 2002
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business vs personal is a misleading dichotomy Kay Argyle, April 19 2002
- Re: business vs personal is a misleading dichotomy Howard Landman, April 20 2002
- Re: business vs personal is a misleading dichotomy Sharon Villines, April 21 2002
- Re: business vs personal is a misleading dichotomy Kay Argyle, April 24 2002
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