Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: Trespassing, punishment, child-rearing (was: Re: [C-L]_guns-OT)

[Rob Sandelin (floriferous]

In my experience helping communities work through conflict issues, kids are
only second to pets in conflict  issues in communities. I think peoples
feelings get more stirred up around kids and I would say that differences in
parenting  is high on the list of why people choose to move out of
community.

It also seems to be a never  ending revolving circle, where safety of little
kids, turns to peer issues, turns to teen issues.

Some of the best advice I ever heard  came from Steven Gaskin, of the Farm,
and he said something like: Spend energy teaching your kids, even the little
ones, how to work out their issues. If the kids have a process to do this,
then the parents will have lots fewer conflicts.

A common approach I have seen in many communities is to have one or two
adult kid mentors, adults that facilitate  kids circles or kid  mediations
WHO ARE NOT PARENTS OF ANY OF THE KIDS INVOLVED. When the kids trust these
adults, they then have guidance and backup for when their own mediation
efforts don't work out right. (which is frequently the case).

Rob Sandelin
Sharingwood Cohousing
Where my oldest daughter is not talking to one of her friends today
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