Re: Breakdown of Process in Cohousing
From: Racheli Gai (
Date: Thu, 2 Jan 2003 09:18:08 -0700 (MST)
>From Racheli,
Sonora Cohousing, Tucson.

A lot of what Martie said resonates with me.  What's most important for
you to find out is whether there are enough people in your group
who are genuinely interested in having a real community, and who are ready
to put efforts into creating one.  If people are just into some vague
notion of "neighborhood" which doesn't entail any serious work on conflict
resolution etc. - then perhaps you're wasting your time.  (But after two
and a half years, it might be worth it to make sure that such a conclusion
is warranted).
I'm struck by the level by disfunction implied by your post.  This is a
lot to deal with!  If you can find some people to join you in an effort
for change, that could lighten the load (by lessening your feelings of
isolation, for one.  In addition, having a whole number of people pushing
for a new approach might prove more successful than
having you do it as a lone member).
I also think it's always important to look at yourself, too, and see if
your behavior contributes to the cycle of disfunction.  This isn't by way
of accusation, but just out of realization that in many cases (even when
someone else is the clear aggressor) we have options how to respond, some
better than others...

In the years I've been part of Sonora Cohousing (before and after move-
in), I found that I had to change my expectations from the community. I
discovered that some connections and depth-of-committment which I'd have
like the whole community to be part of seemed unrealistic (which caused me
to feel very disheartened, because I was very much invested in this).  I
decided to look for less from the community at large,  and put my efforts
and emotional energy into sustaining and developing such relationships and
connections with sub-groups. 

Wishing you luck,
jnpalme [at] (Racheli Gai)

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