Re: move-in question re-phrased...
From: PattyMara Gourley (pattymarajuno.com)
Date: Tue, 21 Jan 2003 20:20:02 -0700 (MST)
On Tue, 21 Jan 2003 21:38:56 -0500 Ted Chesky <tchesky [at] earthlink.net>
writes:
>what I really meant to ask about were 
> interpersonal or community difficulties that commonly come up around
move-in time, 
> or  within the first months afterwards, rather than actual move-in
logistics
> (issues around learning to live together, setting boundaries, gossip,
and
> privacy come to mind). We'd like to do some advance thinking about 
> how to handle them. 


Ted,
I'm not sure if any of the above can be processed before they happen. 
Living the reality is just so different than the dream of community that
fules us as we go through the difficult work of design, construction,
marketing.  The best you can do is create a strong container for group
process with clear communication agreements, and get to know one another
now as much as possible, playing together, relaxing together, exploring
together.  

Living in community is relationship work on a larger scale than most of
us are familiar with.  It takes time.  And energy.  And compassion for
one another, because we all come with different skill sets and baggage.  

Learning to live together is ALL about setting boundaries.  Most of us
need more practice in setting boundaries.  Living in community offers
lots of practice opportunities.  Gossip happens.  Feelings get hurt.  The
privacy issues are a common fear....at least one half of every couple in
our group was worried about it before move-in.   Dogs and cats will be
nuisances to some, treasures to others.  There will be a honeymoon phase,
and a disappointment phase and a re-visioning phase of your group life,
sometimes at different times for different people.  

trust your process and have parties,
it's difficult and it's all good,  and
it's worth it, in my opinion,
Patty Mara
Tierra Nueva, cen CA coast


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