Re: 3 top conflict sources
From: Sharon Villines (
Date: Wed, 21 May 2003 19:46:06 -0600 (MDT)
On 5/21/2003 9:29 PM, "Rob Sandelin" <floriferous [at]> wrote:

> In my experience, the three most common sources of conflict are:
> 1. Communication glitches
> 2. Kids (parenting of)
> 3. Pets

I agree with Rob's list but I would also add another -- conflicting desires
about making decisions. The range goes from those who just want to do this
one little thing and those who see the major underlying values and
consequences of just that one little thing.


Type 1.  I just put my friend's announcement about flocked thongs for sale
on the bulletin board -- what's the big deal? She needs to support her four
cats. So what that it's 2 by 2 feet -- the board was empty.

Type 2. Have we agreed that we want announcements of sales on the bulletin
board? Do we allow non-resident's announcements on the bulletin boards? Do
we really want to appear to be supporting flocked thongs as a value? Is this
a picture that we want to look at over dinner for the next two weeks? Do we
really want our children to see this? If we put the flocked thong
announcement up, how many other announcements are going to appear? Flocked
garters? Is that what we want the commonhouse to look like? An S&M shop?

As a Type Two there are days that I despair of living in cohousing. I've
even tried to find a corner where all the Type 2's can congregate but it
seems impossible. If the Type 1's don¹t want to discuss these issues, why
don¹t they just let the Type 2's discuss them and resolve them?

Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC

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