Re: Refining concerns / needs
From: Becky Schaller (bschallertheriver.com)
Date: Sat, 19 Jul 2003 23:32:06 -0600 (MDT)
Jeff, thanks for responding to my question about refining concerns and
needs.   I used to connect this stage of facilitating with NVC (non-violent
communication) but somehow I'd forgotten to recently.  But I do have some
questions about how you've applied NVC to the concerns I mentioned.

I did look at the url on dynamic facilitation and I found it quite
fascinating - something I'd like to learn more about.  (Tree, that came
basically from reading your article.)  But I'll probably wait to study that
a bit more later.

Jeff, I also took particular interest in your post because of the
conversation we had after lunch one day at the conference about work
participation.  I found that conversation very helpful and it's nice to hear
from you again.

Now back to needs expressed in NVC language.  When I think of NVC needs, I
look at the book "Nonviolent Communication:  A Language of Compassion" by
Marshall Rosenberg and I see categories of words encompassing such ideas as
autonomy, celebration, integrity, interdependence, physical nurture, play,
and spiritual communion. (p 57-58)  When I see what you wrote, I see active
listening.  I don't really see needs and feelings reflected as I would
expect in nvc.  Do I have that right?

I think the kind of active listening that you show is very important and it
may even be necessary before reflecting needs and feelings.  That I don't
know.  But I do see them as two different things.   So, Jeff,  I'm wondering
if you see them as the same or as something different.

It seems to me that  in order to find proposals or solutions that address
everyone's needs/concerns,  it would be best to first distill the universal
needs and concerns from those mentioned.  That's what I am having trouble
doing.

I have more questions, but I'll stop here.   If you have time, I would like
to hear from you before I ask anything else.   And if you don't have time
now, I hope you'll consider respoding later.

Becky



> Date: Mon, 14 Jul 2003 07:41:48 -0500 (CDT)
> Jeff Jones  Effjones [at] aol.com

> Becky:
> 
> I have read with interest the discussion of needs, and your specific
> questions about what the facilitator might do to help the group refine
> each concern so that it is more helpful for the community in coming up
> with proposals. 
> 
> I am reminded about Marshall Rosenberg's "Nonviolent Communication,"
> (www.cnvc.org) and the clarity he brings to this topic. A human need is
> universal, in the present moment and is not tied to another person or
> group.  Human needs are something that we all share.  An incomplete list
> of these would be: autonomy (to choose one's own dreams, goals and values)
> physical nurturance (food, water, safety, sexual expression) integrity
> (authenticity, meaning, self-worth), interdependence (acceptance,
> consideration, emotional safety, reassurance, respect) celebration (to
> celebrate the creation of life and its losses).
> 
> Even though we all share the same human needs, we often have different
> strategies to meet these needs.  Our English language allows us to mix
> needs and strategies which often leads to conflict.  The purpose of this
> model (NVC) is: to inspire heartfelt connection so all needs may be met,
> to connect to the life in ourselves and others, to be inspired and to
> inspire others to give from the heart, to foster a compassionate response
> by honoring our universally shared needs.  If these are the needs of a
> group, then NVC would be one strategy to meet the above needs (purpose of
> NVC). 
> 
>> From a practical standpoint of using this NVC understanding in the role
> of facilitator, there are various ways to model this shift in thinking and
> speaking. It is my judgment that when facilitating it would be most
> helpful to continually be listening for the underlying need under the
> content of what is being expressed.  Then reframe by asking questions
> about the human need that you think they are trying to fulfill (basically,
> you are guessing).  It's important to be empathetic with yourself and not
> to expect your guess to be accurate.
> 
> When you are told that you have guessed incorrectly, it's an opportunity
> to try again to guess: What is the underlying human needs that is most
> important in what I am hearing.  But it's not just words, in fact, words
> are the smaller part of the communication.  Watch for the non-verbals,
> mention the non-verbals you see that is in alignment with your guess.  But
> be very open about being wrong.  The point is to come with the energy
> (behind the words) of "teach me about you" which contributes to the
> possibility of the frame of thinking in the room shifting.  If you can't
> seem to connect with the person or the content of what they are saying you
> can ask, "What they are needing now from the group, or what they would
> like the group to consider?"
> 
> For myself, the reality is that I dance in and out of using this in my
> speaking; I do not pressure myself to respond in a prescribed manner to
> every judgment or strategy that I hear.  It does impact my consciousness;
> and my expressing to the group from this consciousness impacts them.
> 
> This is not always easy, as it has taken me lots of practice.  At times,
> it's easier for me to facilitate outside of my community when I have
> triggers (in other community members) that I have not personally cleaned
> up yet. 
> 
> Let me give an example of some ways I see to incorporate NVC into
> facilitative comments using your statements:
> 
>> We don't want to embarrass people by publicly recording how many hours
>> each person works each month.
> 
> First, I'd try to reframe in the positive by saying what you do want.  I'm
> guessing that you would like to have the work system support people in
> being accountable because they are contributing from a place of love and
> commitment? 
> 
>> We want to honor the many different kinds of work that people do.
> 
> I'm guessing that you would like to acknowledge the many different kinds
> of work that gets accomplished, and you would like to do this with the
> energy of gratitude?  Is that right?
> 
>> We don't want to put a greater value on some work than other work.  For
>> example, we don't want to say that pouring cement somewhere counts as work
>> hours but bringing dinner to a sick neighbor doesn't count.
> 
> I'm guessing that you would like to acknowledge that there is different
> kinds of work that supports the community on different levels?  I see the
> physical level of work that supports our community: pouring cement
> (building, planting trees, paying bills, etc), and I see the social and
> emotional level of work that supports our community: bringing dinner to a
> sick neighbor.  Do I have that right?
> 
>> We want to lessen the amount that people feel some guilt about not living
>> up to other people's expectations.
> 
> It sounds like you would like to acknowledge the delicate nature of
> unequal participation and how this affects the self-talk and self
> criticism of some people in our community.  I'm guessing that you would
> like to take a community action to support the positive self-talk about
> how each individual participates.
> 
> Personally, I see that using NVC skills can be quite transformational to
> myself and to others when incorporated into facilitative comments.  But
> it's not a panacea.  And my judgment is NVC is helpful in two stages of
> assisting the flow of communication: 1)being very specific, concrete and
> clearly owing our own statements, 2) getting to the core or what is most
> important for an individual or group.  It is also my judgment that there
> is a stage of communication that is marginalized by adhering too closely
> to NVC and expecting this from others. Potential marginalized aspects of
> communication: shared hopes, dreams, stories, ideas, perceptions and
> judgments.  This is why earlier I mentioned the dancing in and out of NVC.
> 
> After all of that, I can site another perspective on facilitation which is
> well worth the look:  Dynamic Facilitation -- Choice Creating.
> http://www.co-intelligence.org/P-dynamicfacilitation.html
> 
> Hope this is useful,
> 
> Jeff Jones
> 
> 
> 
> 3537 Nyland Way
> Lafayette, Co. 80026
> 303-499-7557
> 
> Essential Words
> yours 
> ---------------------------------- theirs
> 
> Mediation & Facilitation
> 
> 
> 


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