Re: Refining concerns / needs/expressing feelings | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Sharon Villines (sharonsharonvillines.com) | |
Date: Sun, 20 Jul 2003 10:45:02 -0600 (MDT) |
On 7/20/03 10:52 AM, "Racheli Gai" <racheli [at] sonoracohousing.com> wrote: > You have LOTS of members who object to showing/discussing feelings in > meeting?! This doesn't sound good. We have some, but luckily not many... > and I think that even some of these saw (to some extent, at least) the > error of their ways after every process consultant we worked with told us > that allowing feelings to show, and using it as a source of information is > a crucial part of the decision-making process. Ignoring people's > emotions often seems to make progress on an issue virtually impossible. We had Laird Schaub in for a weekend workshop and he zeroed in right away that we don¹t do any "heavy lifting" -- we avoid the real issues which are usually emotional. We did a long weekend of very heavy lifting but it was very hard to maintain when he left (and we were exhausted and fractured). While we have excellent meeting facilitators, none of them deal with feelings. I find it very difficult but the solutions are not easy. We are also a new community. Some of us just met less than 3 years ago and many had no idea what they were getting into -- not just in terms of community and people issues, but in terms of running what is now probably an $8 million dollar real estate development. We have a lot of members who had never owned a house or been responsible for either real estate or a family. Some had never lived alone with full responsibility for a household. Those concerns are uppermost until we had physical functioning. Learning how to use and car for our ground-source heat pumps that none of us knew anything about. Explaining sump pumps and why they have to be monitored. Why alcohol should not be left in the fridge with teens (ours and others) wandering in and out of the commonhouse. Why you can't just park where ever you want in the parking lot. Why most things work better in groups if you have a regular schedule, plan ahead, and communicate. Why you cannot leave a box cutter hanging on a rope from the lid of the cardboard recycling bin when children are around (or ever!). Cohousing is much more complicated than core needs. Knowing whose core needs are safety and whose are predictability sort of goes down the drain when all the basements are flooded (again) and the sump pumps have burned out and it is Sunday and the source is not open. Despite all of that we have a good community and personal family needs are responded to quickly and efficiently. If anyone has a new baby, a broken rib, a death (people or pets), a broken rib, or any emergency, we have excellent response systems. We know who is the best person to approach whom with what concern privately. Somehow the place works and no one is voluntarily moving out (well, maybe one who never quite got connected in the first place and then married someone who never wanted to be connected). Sharon -- Sharon Villines Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC http://www.takomavillage.org _______________________________________________ Cohousing-L mailing list Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org Unsubscribe and other info: http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L
- Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs, (continued)
- Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs Cheryl Charis-Graves, July 20 2003
- Refining concerns / needs Racheli Gai, July 20 2003
- Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs Sharon Villines, July 20 2003
- Refining concerns / needs/expressing feelings Racheli Gai, July 20 2003
- Re: Refining concerns / needs/expressing feelings Sharon Villines, July 20 2003
- Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs Tree Bressen, July 23 2003
- Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs Sharon Villines, July 24 2003
- Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs Becky Weaver, July 24 2003
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