Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Cheryl Charis-Graves (ccharisearthlink.net) | |
Date: Mon, 21 Jul 2003 09:31:08 -0600 (MDT) |
On 7/20/03 11:21 PM, "Becky Schaller" <bschaller [at] theriver.com> wrote: > Like Racheli, I also learned that needs are universal. I also understand > that each of us generally believes we have difficulty meeting particular > needs. That differs from person to person. > > I really liked your statement, "Addressing the core need Ð not necessarily > the feeling Ð resolves the concern more effectively than trying to > understand and assuage the feeling." Becky, thanks for the acknowledgment and your description of the specific way in which these ideas may be helpful to you. I, too, understand that core needs are universal. However, as you stated, what differs among individuals is how often these needs become "triggered" by external events. Responding to some of the other comments: What I have noticed in my experience is that I am not triggered by safety concerns. If an earthquake occurs, I am concerned about safety. So is every single person around me. That is not an "unmet need," just a clear and present danger. Feeling safe in the presence of an earthquake would require insanity or sainthood. If the carports are dark, I am concerned about repairing the sensors so that everyone feels comfortable because I have a need for affiliation. But I do not feel personally unsafe in the presence of darkness. However, if you start making rules about how my front porch is supposed to look (no bikes, boxes, or temporary storage), I get a little tweaked. And a little rebellious. My need for autonomy gets triggered. Until I slow myself down and figure out someone else is operating out of their need for order. Then I have a place to start. I don't need to express my feeling of being tweaked at that point. I also don't need to get into my neighbor's psyche. But if I understand what they need and what I need, we have a place to start our conversation about what solutions might satisfy my need for autonomy and another person's need for order. We don't need an intervention or a conflict resolution. Maybe at least one of us needs a fairly high degree of self-awareness. When I am reacting to something, I have learned it is rarely if ever the event itself that causes my feelings but rather the core need of mine that is triggered by body memories of my past experience and now appears threatened. Feelings are obviously key. In my experience, however, understanding and describing the feeling is merely the door into understanding and addressing what lies beneath. Not in an intrusive way. A way that offers what can be offered. Best, -- Cheryl Charis-Graves Harmony Village Cohousing Golden, Colorado http://www.harmonyvillage.org _______________________________________________ Cohousing-L mailing list Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org Unsubscribe and other info: http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L
- Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs, (continued)
- Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs Becky Weaver, July 24 2003
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Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs Becky Schaller, July 20 2003
- Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs Sharon Villines, July 20 2003
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Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs Becky Schaller, July 20 2003
- Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs Cheryl Charis-Graves, July 21 2003
- Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs Dahako, July 24 2003
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Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs Becky Schaller, July 24 2003
- Refining concerns / needs in a timely way Rob Sandelin, July 25 2003
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