Re: "Like-Minded"-diversity
From: Kristin Becker (kbeckerposterfrost.com)
Date: Tue, 26 Aug 2003 09:52:08 -0600 (MDT)
I'd like to comment on all the discussion that has been occurring about
diversity.  I really liked what you had to say Howard.  Intelligence,
culture, politics, etc.  all help make up who a person is.  It is the
willingness to not only accept them for who they are, but be interested in
who they are that truly brings acceptance.  You can say you accept your
neighbor who may be homosexual, disabled, or in some other way different,
but if you never ask how their partner is doing or if they were able to get
that new wheelchair, etc. it shows that you aren't interested in that
person.  I know that my life has been highly enriched from those who are
different from me.  I have learned from them and respected them for who they
are and I have also enjoyed them.  Some of my very best friends lead
enormously different lives, but we still truly enjoy each other's company.
I too have always been somewhat ahead of my class so-to-speak, though not
nearly as much as it sounds like you were Howard, but I can't tell you the
pleasure I had when I helped my sister learn to add without a calculator
when she was in fourth grade or any number of other small accomplishments
that I saw her achieve.  She has Down Syndrome and has challenged me more
than any class or person.  Quit frankly I get bored if I'm around too many
'smart' people for too long, but I never get bored at special Olympics.
This level of acceptance is where people need to be for others to feel
comfortable and diversity to truly occur.  I think it is very possible for a
small community to achieve diversity, but people must not judge and must
take interest in everyone's lives.  I believe this because of the eclectic
group of friends I associate with that come from very different backgrounds
and lives, yet still thrive from one another.
Something to chew on!
Kristin

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Howard Landman" <howard [at] polyamory.org>
To: <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
Sent: Monday, August 25, 2003 4:16 PM
Subject: Re: [C-L]_"Like-Minded"


>
> Elaine wrote:
> > Just read my own post. Maybe i should have added vain and arrogant to
the
> > list? LOL.
> > >In my community everyone is ...highly intelligent...like me
>
> Hmmm ... I wrestle with that sort of thing a lot since my intelligence
> is at least +4 sigma, probably more like +6 or so ... the only time
> I'm in a community with that kind of IQ is when I go to a math conference
> and hang out with people like John Conway or Donald Knuth.  I deeply
> enjoy those rare moments when I can be pretty sure that I'm the stupidest
> person in the room.  I think Penn Gilette (of Penn & Teller) said: "I was
> the smartest person in my high school and now I'm the stupidest person in
> my peer group, and I'm really proud of that."
>
> I don't know.  Being smart is kind of like being tall.  I can do some
things
> shorter people can't do as easily, like grab stuff off a high shelf.  But
I
> also hit my head on light fixtures a lot, a lot of beds that are fine for
> other people are very uncomfortable for me.  It has plusses and minuses.
>
> For me, where "vain" and "arrogant" start applying is when you either
> start believing things that aren't true, or when you start thinking
> that just because you're gifted one way or another that makes you a
> better human being than someone else.  We don't have any control over
> what we're given at birth.  We DO have control over what we do with it.
> (Einstein: "I am neither especially clever nor especially gifted.  I am
> only very, very curious.")  I really admire people who do the best they
> can with whatever they have.
>
> I have learned, painfully, that perceived inequality is a deeply emotional
> issue for many people.  "The nail that stands out gets hammered down." -
> Japanese proverb.  It's "not nice" or "bragging" to do anything that
> reminds other people that you might be better at something than they are.
> (Even if - as is usually the case - they also are better at something
> than you are.)  We get conditioned to "hide our light under a basket" to
> avoid such negative responses.  We become afraid of our own power.
> Afraid to show it.  Afraid to use it.
>
> I think true humility is not denying one's gifts, but putting them
> in service of something worthy.
>
> There are some people for whom cohousing itself IS that something
> worthy.  They dedicate immense amounts of energy to form communities
> and keep them running.  I respect that, but for me it's only one
> of many worthy things, and so my energies are split.  I believe this
> is true for many others as well.
>
> A lot of the conflicts and discussions about "participation" seem to me
> to be fundamentally about this question.  Is cohousing the most
> important thing in your life?  Or isn't it?  Many questions about
> whether to do this or that have answers that divide right at that point.
> Many unfulfilled expectations run aground on that rock.
>
> In My Not-So-Humble Opinion.  :-)
>
> Howard A. Landman
> River Rock Commons
> Fort Collins, Colorado
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