Silencing the uncomfortable truth-long
From: Racheli Gai (rachelisonoracohousing.com)
Date: Thu, 2 Oct 2003 10:56:07 -0600 (MDT)
Hi Liz,
I think that something that you might not perceive is that your way of
expressing yourself, at those times when you "let loose"  silences some
people, too.  
I read in your post the implicit idea that if we are not ready to be
offensive (or at least quite aggressive), we can't possibly care about
social justice.  Well, I DO care, and I don't only  "care" - I work for
it.  
For me, HOW I work for something is just as important as what it is that I
work for: In order to make a connection with people, one needs to discuss
things in ways which
hopefully allows them to hear.  If I come across as judgmental, it helps
people on the "other side" feel defensive and shut down, so that no
dialogue can take place.  In which case, whatever one says doesn't really
count, does it?  I think that the less judgmental attitudes we bring with
us, the more we are able to understand where other people are coming from. 
We might still disagree,
perhaps even PASSIONATELY disagree about important things, but if we made
some kind of a connection (and if we allow for the  possibility that we,
too, might be wrong, or might have something to learn even from those we
disagree with) - then perhaps the other side might also hear us?

Coming from the Middle East, I know that it's easy to demonize the other
side, and that this will NEVER bring about peace OR Justice. I don't think
this is unique to the Middle East :)

All the above isn't to say that what you expressed doesn't contain some
important truths (IMO), it's to say that I think that you sometimes  go
about getting people to see it in the wrong way.

It's email, where controlling "tone" is difficult, and I might come across
 as preachy, which isn't my intent.  I'm just trying to convey something 
which is very important to me, and I'm not sure how to do it without 
sounding like I'm on the soap-box...

R.





>Lest you think that I somehow dash these missives out without a care,
>think again. I spent a considerable amount of time thinking about this
>last night as I didn't sleep. What am I doing on this list? Is it worth
>being a lightening rod for those who don't dare speak up? I came to the
>realization that it is worth it, because after all, it's just an email
>list. This is not my community, and different standards apply. I'm not
>doing anything earth-shatteringly daring by being less than subtle in my
>posts. You can take it, or delete it if you want to. If I were in a
>face-to-face meeting, it would be different. You wouldn't have the option
>to ignore me. Is it so important to be civilized, to the point that
>nothing ever changes for the better?

>I said before that I am likely to go over the line sometimes, and I will
>risk that in order to defend the poor against apologists for the rich.
>Cohousing is supposed to be different. It's supposed to be BETTER than
>the rest of the world out there that doesn't give a rats ass for each
>other. I can't understand why some of you are even involved in it. I
>know, more perceived insults. But I truly am mystified. It seems that you
>resent your neighbors who don't have as much as you, and go to great
>lengths to justify a system that is built to punish them, in or out of
>cohousing.

>I don't believe that none of the lower-income people in these communities
>feels uncomfortable. There is such a social stigma to being poor in this
>country that people have become accustomed to hiding it and being quiet
>when their needs aren't being met. Just go down the the office where
>people are applying for food stamps or Medicare, or going into a free
>clinic. Sit and watch the people herded like cattle into tiny overcrowded
>rooms, waiting hours for services that the rest of us get in minutes.
>It's damned demoralizing being poor, and people shouldn't have to get
>that kind of treatment in cohousing.

>Okay, sure, we're not talking about public pillorying or anything, but
>the attitudes expressed here have been so condescending and
>self-righteous that I can't imagine that attitude doesn't filter down to
>all the people who are holding you back from getting everything your
>hearts desire.

>Also consider that my last message inspired even more people to write to
>me off-list, and at least one on-list. What does that say about how
>others feel about expressing their opinions on this list? Am I really
>intimidating and offending so much, or am I just saying what others are
>afraid to say to this genteel but subtly repressive list? How many people
>haven't said anything because they are too tired of fighting against our
>entire society to take on cohousing as well?

>This has happened lots of times. I got into with Howard over affordable
>housing, too. Then I heard the same old stuff. I'm too emotional,
>vitriolic, blah blah blah. Forget it, Howard. I won't belong to a list
>where all the important stuff is only discussed off-list. What is the
>point? If I don't say it, who will? If I don't try to put a stop to the
>gradual removal of anything remotely progressive about income in
>cohousing, who will? I've shot myself in the foot so many times that I
>squish when I walk. If it wakens even one person from the sleepy
>complacency that is this list and cohousing in general, then I've done
>what I set out to do.

>Lots of people in the other intentional communities out there say that
>cohousing is just for rich or upper-middle class people to be with each
>other and not deal with the outside world, while soothing their
>consciences. In many cases, they are right. It's too damned hard to
>create cohousing for it to become just another place for rich people to
>feel safe. I intend to continue being a complete bitch until that doesn't
>happen anymore.

>However, you'll all be thrilled to know that I won't write about it
>anymore if you must let someone else have the last word.


-- 
-----------------------------------------------------------
racheli [at] sonoracohousing.com (Racheli Gai)
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