A little fun
From: Jeanne Goodman, JP Cohousing (goodmanjjpcohousing.org)
Date: Fri, 11 Nov 2005 06:11:33 -0800 (PST)
I got this in email today. I modified it a bit at the end...

As we all know, when we hit retirement age, many of us come face to face with the fact that it may be time to relocate. The big question is: Where to?

Here are some tips.

You can live in Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You can open and drive your car without touching the car door or the steering wheel. 3. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
4. You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
5. You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
6. "Dress Code" is meaningless at high schools and universities. Picture lingerie ads.
7. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
8. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
9. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

You can live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000/year, but still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You can live in the NYC area where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4  You think Central Park is "nature,"
5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

You can live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from ' round here, are Ya?"
4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never meet any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

You can live in Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. You should have your evacuation plans made for the next hurricane.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people

Or you could live in cohousing where...
1. You have a block party several times a week and most of the time you're not expected to lift a finger to help. 2. The most common footwear in the common house is slippers or dancing shoes. 3. Someone may rearrange your trash because you threw away something recyclable. 4. If you see someone with a notebook in their hands you ask them what meeting they're going to. 5. When you realize that you have a bowl that doesn't belong to you, you return it to the common house and discover that there are three bowls, two plates and a box of tea that you left there.
6. Your best friends are never far away.
7. There is always someone around who will fix your computer, help you carry groceries, and help you polish off that box of chocolate chip cookies. 8. You borrow someone's car because you already loaned someone else your car. 9. You have trouble figuring out whether you actually want to leave home for vacation.

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