|authentic communication||<– Date –> <– Thread –>|
|From: Elke (kweenzgmail.com)|
|Date: Sun, 4 Dec 2005 08:07:23 -0800 (PST)|
Hi Melissa, I lived in Ganas for 15 years. It's much more intense than coho, but some things translate. One thing we asked for was not to talk about the meeting with people that weren't there. If you feel someone should know they (or a certain subject) are being talked about, ask them to come to the next meeting. This avoids a lot of misunderstandings and gossip. It also helps create a safe space where people can express their real feelings without that being taken as how they think about the topic. For example if I have a problem with Mary, I can say things in the group like " I want to strangle her!" which expresses how I really feel at the moment, but NOT my intention! It also clears the way for me to think (with the group's help) about how I want to resolve this conflict in a positive way. Hand in hand with this is the fact that it's not entirely enforceable. People have to be willing to deal with the issues that come up when this agreement is broken.... The more meetings people are willing for the better. Trust and communication take work. Ganas has been meeting 5 mornings a week for 25 years. This encompasses all sorts of issues, from interersonal to work (we run 3 businesses together) to logistics - mundane to philosophical. Attendence at our meetings is optional. However, the more you are there, the more you know about the community, the easier it is to llug in. Some people never come, or only when they have a problem. Having a base of communication such as NVC is important. That one even comes with a handbook! You have to agree to certain premises to create trust, and agreement about how to approach issues. Another big one is eschewing punishment. I believe NVC talks about this a lot. If people can agree on the intention to solve the problem in a way that works best for all concerned without assigning blame and punishment, incredible creative ideas emerge. This is one idea that needs constant attention, as our dominant society is punishment based, and all of us have been thoroughly saturated in that thinking for our entire lives. I hope this helps. You might want to check out Ganas' website too, for more info about what they do (Feedback Learning): www.ganas.org Best wishes for a wonderful endeavor! -Elke
- Authentic Communication melissa, December 2 2005
- RE: Authentic Communication Victoria L. Pilkington, December 5 2005
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