queries during conflict
From: Tree Bressen (treeic.org)
Date: Tue, 20 Dec 2005 23:08:38 -0800 (PST)

I thought folks might appreciate knowing about this list of questions i just posted to my website at http://treegroup.info/toolbox/B16-conflict_questions.html. It's a list i have written for people to consider when facing a conflict in their group, particularly conflicts that have been around a while and are still feeling stuck. These questions grow out of my observation that when someone is stuck in a conflict, they typically feel unempowered--they are wishing the other person would change, only they can't control that, and so they feel frustrated. This list tries to directly address that feeling of disempowerment by asking each party to look at their own contribution. I have used these questions successfully in one past situation and will be trying them out with another group later this week.

I would enjoy hearing other queries that people have found helpful in unblocking situations of this kind.



Questions to Consider during a Group Conflict

by Tree Bressen

If this issue has been with your group for a long time now, what are you going to do differently today in order to help create a shift?

What do you appreciate that has been done by someone you disagreed with on this issue?

What do you feel proud of in how you've handled this issue? What do you feel you sorry about?

What do you understand of the other party's concerns? What do you think their understandable, legitimate internal story is about what's been happening? Can you fairly represent their viewpoint in a discussion?

What key piece(s) have you not felt heard about so far? What do you most want others to understand?

What is your power in this situation?

What have you contributed that made it turn out the way it has so far? What might you want to do differently now? What responsibility can you take for co-creating a better future?


Tree Bressen
1680 Walnut St.
Eugene, OR 97403
(541) 484-1156
tree [at] ic.org

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