RE: queries during conflict | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Juva DuBoise (juvaalyrica.net) | |
Date: Thu, 22 Dec 2005 15:40:07 -0800 (PST) |
> "Dave, I understand that honouring > agreements and integrity might be very important to you having worked > in > the pharmaceuticals business for the past twenty years!" As I read > this > back it feels quiet presumptuous on the questioners part and might > illicit a defensive response. "According to what I know of NVC, this is also a manipulative response because it both assumes and defines the person you are speaking to. It's better to address your own feelings rather than addressing the other person's feelings unless you are trying to clarify what the other person has actually said." So much of NVC is intent, what you are focusing on. This would only be manipulative in my mind if you are wanting to get this person to do something....but if your intention to connect with this person and understand what about agreements and integrity is important them, this probably wouldn't work very well. Remember that NVC has the four steps, Observation, feeling, needs and request...your task when receiving is to focus on this and guessing..to get clearification... "Are you feeling frustrated and hoping for a high level of trust with in our community. Are you asking that follow through on agreements be something we all do to build that trust?" Something like that. If instead your wanting to be heard do these steps yourself...what specific action or behavior are you reacting to, what are your feelings (not thoughts but feelings and remember if it start with I feel like or I feel that, it isn't a feeling), what is it your hoping for and what is the specific concrete do able request. As you might be able to tell, I am pretty passionate about NVC. We at CoHo in Corvallis all learn this, we do a 13 week group (based on Marshall NVC book and Lucy Lui's (ahhh forgot her last name) work book. It has been a great asset for our community many times already to all have a common language and common intent to connect! Marshal has a new book out Speak Peace, it is even easer to understand as it focuses more on the why in stead of just the how...... Juva Ah, Community - check it out! cohousing-corvallis.com
- Re: queries during conflict, (continued)
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Re: queries during conflict Sharon Villines, December 21 2005
- Re: queries during conflict Sharon Villines, December 21 2005
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RE: queries during conflict Stacia Leech and Gary kent, December 22 2005
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Re: queries during conflict Sharon Villines, December 22 2005
- RE: queries during conflict Juva DuBoise, December 22 2005
- Re: queries during conflict Sharon Villines, December 22 2005
- RE: queries during conflict Juva DuBoise, December 22 2005
- Re: queries during conflict Diane Law, December 23 2005
- Options in Canada? Diane Law, December 23 2005
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Re: queries during conflict Sharon Villines, December 22 2005
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Re: queries during conflict Sharon Villines, December 21 2005
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