RE: queries during conflict | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Juva DuBoise (juvaalyrica.net) | |
Date: Thu, 22 Dec 2005 16:25:10 -0800 (PST) |
Sharon, I agree, if the intention isn't really to connect but as you say to get some one to change, it sure could be manipulative. That is why with NVC the CLEAR intention to connect is so primary. To truly want to understand and hear what is real for other. Juva Ah, Community - check it out! cohousing-corvallis.com -----Original Message----- From: Sharon Villines [mailto:sharon [at] sharonvillines.com] Sent: Thursday, December 22, 2005 4:20 PM To: Cohousing-L Subject: Re: [C-L]_ queries during conflict On Dec 22, 2005, at 6:39 PM, Juva DuBoise wrote: >> "Dave, I understand that honouring agreements and integrity might be >> very important to you having worked in the pharmaceuticals business >> for the past twenty years!" As I read >> this back it feels quiet presumptuous on the questioners part and >> might illicit a defensive response. > > So much of NVC is intent, what you are focusing on. This would only be > manipulative in my mind if you are wanting to get this person to do > something....but if your intention to connect with this person and > understand what about agreements and integrity is important them, this > probably wouldn't work very well. Sometimes the intent to connect is really a desire to have the other person change some viewpoint in themselves -- that's what I meant by manipulative. The technique called sandwiching in which you put a negative or corrective statement between a positive or soothing statement seems very manipulative to me because you are expecting the person to change how they respond to you or hear you rather than honestly explaining your own feelings or directly asking a question to clarify the other person's feelings or intentions. The intention is not direct and clear. It's rehearsed or prescribed with the intention to produce a certain response. Sharon --- Sharon Villines Building Community: A Newsletter on Coops, Condos, Cohousing, and Other New Neighborhoods http://www.buildingcommunitynews.org _________________________________________________________________ Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at: http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/
- RE: queries during conflict, (continued)
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RE: queries during conflict Stacia Leech and Gary kent, December 22 2005
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Re: queries during conflict Sharon Villines, December 22 2005
- RE: queries during conflict Juva DuBoise, December 22 2005
- Re: queries during conflict Sharon Villines, December 22 2005
- RE: queries during conflict Juva DuBoise, December 22 2005
- Re: queries during conflict Diane Law, December 23 2005
- Options in Canada? Diane Law, December 23 2005
- sorry for double-post ! Diane Law, December 23 2005
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Re: queries during conflict Sharon Villines, December 22 2005
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RE: queries during conflict Stacia Leech and Gary kent, December 22 2005
- RE: queries during conflict Stacia Leech and Gary kent, December 22 2005
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