Re: queries during conflict
From: Diane Law (
Date: Fri, 23 Dec 2005 06:25:24 -0800 (PST)
  Palmer's work on Clearness Committees lays out very well the issues  
associated with rescuing, attempting to manipulate or guide outcomes,  etc, and 
offers a clear method for focusing questions to *only* support  open, honest 
  Now, the Clearness Committees are not about resolving conflict between  two  
parties, but the same method of honest questions could be  applied in a 
cohousing group's "circle of trust", which can indeed be  used to facilitate 
true hearing, and deep resolution even where views  seem very opposing.
  My apologies to Palmer for any errors in my understanding.
  Kamloops, BC
  Seeking Co-Housing 

    Sometimes the intent to connect is really a desire to have the other 
person change some viewpoint in themselves -- that's what I meant by 
manipulative. The technique called sandwiching in which you put a 
negative or corrective statement between a positive or soothing 
statement  seems very manipulative to me because you are expecting the person 
to  change how they respond to you or hear you rather than 
honestly explaining your own feelings or directly asking a question  to 
clarify the other person's feelings or intentions. The intention is not 
direct and clear. It's rehearsed or prescribed with the intention to 
produce a certain response.

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