Re: Any advice for dealing with someone angry about being
From: tamgoddess (
Date: Sat, 12 May 2007 16:44:56 -0700 (PDT)
Congratulations! Sounds like you guys really made the right decision on this 
person. S/he's a sociopath. They probably would have destroyed the group if 
you'd let him/her.

Now you need to be ruthlessly efficient about not giving any sort of reaction 
to this person whatsoever. Keep scrupulous records of everything they say and 
do, and get a restraining order if necessary.  This person thrives on drama and 
tries to control people by sympathy, and if that doesn't work, threats. They 
won't be helped by any well-intentioned interventions on your parts. The most 
compassionate thing to do is to have as little contact with this person as 
humanly possible, and again, no reactions. Any sign of emotion or reaction on 
your parts is like heroin to a person like this.

Liz Stevenson
Southside Park Cohousing
Sacramento, CA

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Lyle Scheer" <wonko [at]>
To: "Cohousing-L" <cohousing-l [at]>
Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2007 2:01 PM
Subject: [C-L]_ Any advice for dealing with someone angry about being

> The subject pretty much covers it.  We have someone who was working on
> becoming a member of our cohousing group, but the group had enough
> concerns about that person to say no.  That person is currently
> threatening to send letters to newspapers, investigating getting a
> lawyer, thinking about bringing in various advocacy agencies over
> implied improprieties in the process, etc...

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