Re: Question about severe emotional distburbance/mental
From: Eris Weaver (
Date: Sat, 13 Dec 2008 09:48:09 -0800 (PST)
I am speaking from direct personal experience here (having been the foster
parent of such a teenager, who lived for a time here in our community). I am
going to be brief (tendinitis in my wrist) and therefore blunt.

You have two different problems here. One is the out-of-control child and
his behaviors which have the potential to endanger others in the community.
The second is the rift in the community about how to respond to the boy and
his family. I am not even going to try to address the second problem,
because the first problem needs to be dealt with first.

Endless talking and/or healing circles are not going to change anything. You
cannot change the parents' nor the boys' beliefs or behaviors. You cannot
heal him. You can only keep yourself and your own children safe. If someone
is doing something violent/unsafe to themselves or others, if you feel
unsafe in your own home, CALL THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY. You cannot handle the
violence yourself. The boy cannot handle himself. You need documentation of
the problem, you need backup if the violence escalates, you cannot keep
enabling the denial and the problem behavior.  Longterm management of his
illness/problems is beyond community control.

You have to put on your own oxygen mask first!
Eris Weaver, Facilitator & Group Process Consultant
eris [at]

fa cil' i tāt: to make easier

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