|Re: Disengaged households||<– Date –> <– Thread –>|
|From: Rob Sandelin (floriferousmsn.com)|
|Date: Tue, 3 Nov 2009 16:52:36 -0800 (PST)|
Sharon posted my thoughts well. In addition I would add that there are people who join cohousing communities who do not really know what is really expected of them, and when they find out, they are not willing to go there, sometimes because that is NOT what they joined the community for. Sometimes cohousing conflict mediation itself is the problem. After all, why should I be willing to change my views or personalities to meet a group norm that I don't agree with, and didn't sign up for? Nobody told me I had to do all this stuff when I bought my unit. There are many hidden things about living in a social community which are not known or advertised when people buy in. I have experienced several cohousing sales pitches which magnified certain aspects of the community and totally ignored others. This is normal, when you are trying to sell a product you don't want to dwell on things which might be flaws. And somebody with little social community living experience does not know what questions to ask. This unknown expectations may come as an unwelcome surprise. For example a women moved out of a cohousing group because she was told up front there was a strict pet policy and then she moved in to find that nobody paid any attention to it, much to her distress since one of the most important reasons she moved there was that she was severely allergic to cats and did not want them anywhere near her unit. From her perspective, she felt she was lied to and, with this mindset, she found other things to lose trust about. She started looking for every inconsistency to fulfill her need to be right, making the community wrong. This is a common human practice, we can choose to see what supports our belief systems and ignore the facts or details which do not. Also, communities change over time and so the community someone joined 3 years ago is not the community that is there now. People become disenchanted with community living for hundreds of reasons, often involving personal situations, and not necessarily some fault of the community. But sometimes the group does own a piece of the situation and that can worth looking into. Rob Sandelin Sharingwood resident of 18 years and who still shows mostly the positive side during tours.
- Disengaged households, (continued)
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