The whole picture (was disengagement)
From: Karen Kudia (
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 2009 17:28:50 -0800 (PST)
Lynn: Just a response, unconditional acceptance of the person doesn't imply unconditional acceptance of their rude, inappropriate behavior...that needs to be dealt with, with clear limits or chaos occurs. If someone didn't come to me first to deal with issues and had to call the police, I would have some strong words for that person: egoism, aggression, self assertion, apathy, certainly can create barriers....then it becomes a matter of resolving these tensions and listening carefully at the message hidden in the tensions.

Community involves entering into relationships of interdependence. As those wrote previously, the idealism of community can lead to disenchantment (disengagement) yet hopefully it leads to realism were true commitment and roots are formed. Our humanness is such a mixture; we need the structure of community balanced with freedoms of being an individual. Each community strives to find its balance as mutual acceptance and growth of the community is enriched by working together, be openned to others, listening and welcoming.

Karen D. Kudia
Anthony, Fl

In response to Karen, no doubt about it, unconditional love is a
beautiful thing, and a fine goal. At the same time, there are folks
I'd rather love from a distance, rather than have them calling the
police on their neighbors, phoning people at 6am and 1130 pm because
their cat is in sight, issuing directives and demands vs true requests
or suggestions, and generally behaving as if their way is the only
acceptable way of doing things. This simply does not work well in a
community of 24 households!

Lynn Nadeau
RoseWind Cohousing
Port Townsend WA
where I turned my heat on for the first time this year, yesterday

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