Re: limited-access events in common space
From: Mabel Liang (mabeltwomeeps.com)
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 2010 07:10:52 -0800 (PST)
I don't think this topic has ever come up here.

My knee-jerk reaction is that the objector feels hurt by being closed out
of this event.  Whether it's rational or not is beside the point.  I get a
twinge when I see or hear about a dinner that I wasn't invited to, even
though I tell myself that this is the nature of cohousing or of any social
group.

What other organized opportunities are there for snacking and chatting? 
Perhaps the creation of more would help.  Or perhaps this event could go
on for the posted hour, and then others could join them at the end of the
hour.

Rob is absolutely right that asking is helpful.

-- Mabel :-)

Mabel Liang
mabel [at] twomeeps.com
Software Engineer turned Gardener
Cornerstone Village Cohousing
Cambridge, MA

---------------------------- Original Message ----------------------------
Subject: Re: [C-L]_ limited-access events in common space
From:    "Muriel Kranowski" <murielk [at] vt.edu>
Date:    Mon, January 11, 2010 9:23 am
To:      "Cohousing-L" <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

>
> No, the objection has nothing to do with competing uses of the space.
> There
> are other spaces in the CH open for (and sometimes used for) other
> gatherings during that hour, which in any case is a time of very low use
> of
> the CH.
>    Muriel
>
> At 11:34 PM 1/10/2010, you wrote:
>
>>Does anyone else want to use the commonhouse at this time?  Is the
>>group's presence preventing anything else from happening?
>>
>>On Sun, Jan 10, 2010 at 8:54 PM, Rob Sandelin <floriferous [at] msn.com>
>> wrote:
>> >
>> > We define events like this as interest groups. There are several and a
>> few
>> > of them are exclusionary, for example women's gatherings. Never been a
>> > problem before that I know of here, the exclusion part is not
>> malicious or
>> > mean, its just a particular interest and nobody seems to mind. The
>> person
>> > who objects strongly should be asked about what their problem with
>> interest
>> > groups are. Sometimes its not the particular group which causes the
>> problem,
>> > it's some other thing that seems only distantly connected but when
>> light is
>> > shined on it, helps everybody see what the problem really is. For
>> example,
>> > sometimes political or social things might be causing the discomfort,
>> for
>> > example a gay/lesbian group could cause objection. Sometimes the
>> assumed
>> > politics of a group cause people who disagree to keep quiet rather
>> than
>> risk
>> > their relationships, and bringing out objections over an abstraction
>> is how
>> > they express their discontent while pretending to go along with the
>> status
>> > quo.
>> >
>> > Rob Sandelin
>> > Sharingwood
>> > Snohomish County, WA
>> >
>> > -----Original Message-----
>> > From: Muriel Kranowski [mailto:murielk [at] vt.edu]
>> > Sent: Sunday, January 10, 2010 7:34 PM
>> > To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org
>> > Subject: [C-L]_ limited-access events in common space
>> >
>> >
>> > We're having an internal disagreement over an issue that is evoking
>> some
>> > strong feelings, and I very much want to hear feedback from other
>> > communities.
>> >
>> > The situation is that a subgroup of members who feel they have a lot
>> in
>> > common (let's say they are "left-handed redheads" or LHR for short)
>> have
>> > been getting together once a week in the Common House, for a congenial
>> > snack-and-chat hour. These get-togethers are posted on the community
>> > calendar and everyone knows about them. The group has made it clear
>> that
>> > only left-handed redheads are welcome.
>> >
>> > A member who is neither left-handed nor a redhead objects strongly to
>> the
>> > idea that other members can be excluded from social events that
>> regularly
>> > occur in a common space. This person would like to join in and have
>> the
>> > pleasure of snacking and chatting too.
>> >
>> > But if these get-togethers became general y'all-come social events,
>> they
>> > would no longer be of specific interest to the LHRs, who really value
>> being
>> > able to talk about their own specific issues in the semi-privacy of
>> that CH
>> > space.  They feel entitled to this private use of the common space,
>> which
>> > doesn't appear to inconvenience anyone else.
>> >
>> > Other members occasionally reserve space in the CH for meetings or
>> events of
>> > external groups that they belong to, and there don't seem to be any
>> > objections to those events being open only to the members of that
>> group.
>> > The LHRs' gathering is the first time an internal subgroup has
>> intentionally
>> > scheduled closed events in the CH and we have no norms or rules about
>> it.
>> >
>> > So, is it legitimate for a self-defined subgroup to meet in a common
>> space
>> > and exclude other members?  Has this come up, or does this occur, in
>> other
>> > communities?  And even if not, I'd like to hear your philosophical
>> take on
>> > it.
>> >
>> > _________________________________________________________________
>> > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at:
>> > http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > _________________________________________________________________
>> > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at:
>> > http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/
>> >
>> >
>> >
>>_________________________________________________________________
>>Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at:
>>http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at:
> http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/
>
>
>
>


Results generated by Tiger Technologies Web hosting using MHonArc.