Re: troubled resident
From: Sharon Villines (
Date: Thu, 1 Jul 2010 08:48:18 -0700 (PDT)

On Jun 28, 2010, at 10:51 PM, Lynette Bassman wrote:

We especially are struggling with the limits of the care that it is appropriate for neighbors to provide, and how to help her daughter know when it is no longer okay for her to live here, or at least not without professional in-home care. Thank you for any wisdom you can share.

There is a thread on this in the archives related to a schizophrenic woman living in community. The end result of consultations here and with professionals was that the community was inhibiting getting professional care for the woman by continuing to try to help her, and endangering the community. Harmful, in other words.

Your problem is less dramatic, but has the same effect. The family or social services or visiting nurse program can give better fundamental care than you can. What you can do is support those services. They will also need help with communications, etc.

My mother used to sleep through deliveries of Meals on Wheels so they would cut off services. She would refuse to allow the cleaners into the apartment because she was afraid they would steal from her. These are situations a neighbor can help with easily.

There is another thread on guidelines for what you can and can't do for people that was being developed for senior cohousing. This is a list developed by one of our members in consultation with professionals.

What residents could expect from other residents: They can provide helpful services but not critical services or services that create a dependancy:

1. Pick up medications at the pharmacy, but not administer medications.
2. Pick up shopping but not be sole shopper.
3. Bringing in some meals, but not being the cook or meal server.
4. Accompanying, along with an aid, to a medical appt but not daily help getting around.
5. No intimate body care or bathroom functions.
6. No responsibility for making appts or arranging for health care providers.
7. No responsibility for changing bandages or other health care devices.

The basis for exclusion was (1) activities that interfered with the normal household functioning of others on a continuous basis and (2) that would cause harm to the patient or liability to the resident if not done or not done properly.

Sharon Villines
"Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation." Judith Martin

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