Re: Parenting in Cohousing
From: R Philip Dowds (rpdowdscomcast.net)
Date: Mon, 13 Jun 2011 09:17:34 -0700 (PDT)
We seem to have stumbled upon an important variable.  At Cornerstone Cohousing, 
 our Common House is a large building containing 13 of our 32 dwelling units.  
One cannot come or go to any of these units without passing by or through our 
most important common spaces.  And all the mailboxes are in the Common House 
lobby, so everyone has a reason to visit at least once a day.
     Accordingly, our Common House tends to have high levels of both activity 
and supervision, and is never locked down or vacant the way a stand-alone 
building would be.  Everyone has free passage all the time; kids without keys 
are simply let in when they appear at the door.

Is there a design lesson in all this?

Philip Dowds AIA
Cornerstone Cohousing
Cambridge, MA

On Jun 13, 2011, at 11:38 AM, Robert Heinich wrote:

> 
> Sharon,
> 
> Is your Common House open to all or is access restricted?
> 
> Our Common House is locked but all adults and teens with parents' permission
> have keys.  However that does not mean all teens have keys.  Some, in the
> view of their parents, have not developed the trust to have a key.
> 
> Our Common House does have TVs but no accessible computers.  So some of our
> teens do watch TV (cable TV or movies on DVD).
> 
> So if the parent have restricted screen time and the teen ignores the
> restriction, they should not have a key to the Common House.  However, this
> control is with the parent and not with the community.  As I stated earlier,
> not all of our teens have keys to the Common House.
> 
> -Robert Heinich
> Eno Commons Cohousing
> Durham, NC
> ht 
> <http://www.enocommons.org>tp://www.enocommons.org<http://www.enocommons.org>
> where the whirring of the Brood XIX cicadas is winding down but one an see
> fireflies now
> 
> 
> On Mon, Jun 13, 2011 at 9:46 AM, Sharon Villines
> <sharon [at] sharonvillines.com>wrote:
> 
>> 
>> I've asked this question before to stone cold silence which usually means
>> it's too hot to touch. I'm trying again.
>> 
>> How do communities deal with access to common house facilities when
>> teenagers, in the view of their parents, may be abusing such facilities?
>> 
>> There are several age groups for which different expectations can be placed
>> but for the sake of avoidance, let's try 14+.
>> Have you had situations in which a parent expected the community, for a
>> child of this age, to require, for example, that televisions and computers
>> in the common house be locked up because the teenagers won't observe
>> parental restrictions on "screen time."
>> 
>> In my opinion, this is an age at which adults should have established clear
>> understandings of adult behavior that is expected of their children and have
>> in place both rewards and withdrawal of privileges if those behaviors aren't
>> exhibited. It is fairly impossible to control their behavior with either
>> constant supervision or limiting the environment. If the child doesn't begin
>> or isn't expected to exercise self-control at the age of 14, all hope may be
>> lost.
>> 
>> When I expressed this opinion yesterday my neighbor said, "Sharon, you are
>> dealing with cohousers here. Get real."
>> 
>> How does your community deal with this?
>> 
>> Sharon
>> ——
>> Sharon Villines
>> "Reality is something you rise above." Liza Minnelli
>> 
>> 
>> 
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>> 
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