Re: Parenting in Cohousing
From: Jessie (jehakome.com)
Date: Mon, 13 Jun 2011 11:00:29 -0700 (PDT)
Hi-

I have one cohousing teen still at home and one 20 year old who just began to 
move out (into a cohousing neighbor's cross town rental property.). We have 
lived in a couple of cohousing neighborhoods. My experience is that there are a 
couple more key variables. First, was the teen in question raised in cohousing 
pretty much all their lives?  If yes, have a community meeting about screen 
time, invite the tweens and teens and come to an agreement.  They will probably 
expect to be part of the solution and the discussion may surprise you. If they 
were not raised in cohousing, they may not be willing to come to a meeting. You 
may still want to have a community discussion about how much screen time limits 
belong to the family and how much to the community.

Second, how many opportunities have you given your kid to have parts of their 
life independent from or away from you? At 14, kids really need to "untie the 
apron strings" and test the rules. If the worst your teen is doing is sitting 
in front of screens in the commonhouse a bit too much, pat yourself on the 
back. That's rock and roll.  It's the sex and drugs you really need to watch 
out for. Another point about TV in the common house, it can easily turn into a 
social event, like watching a movie together.   

Cohousing is a great environment to stretch safely in. One year my daughter 
house sat for another member while they were on vacation. She was three doors 
down but "away" and responsible for two cats and several chores.  My son does 
odd jobs for a member in a wheelchair. They both help on cooking teams 
(voluntarily) but they don't always want to be on cooking teams with their 
parents. 

My two cents,
Jessie Handforth Kome
Eastern Village Cohousing
Silver Spring, MD
"Where the green roof is in lovely lovely bloom."

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