Re: Community and Individual Maturity Re: 1. Re: resources on individualistic people becoming . . .
From: Diane (dianeclairegmail.com)
Date: Mon, 24 Sep 2012 07:33:20 -0700 (PDT)
Does anyone see a connection between this and the current election?  On the
one side are those who believe that whatever success they achieve they did
all by themselves and whatever failure they experienced was the fault of
big government.  On the other side are those who believe that their
communities helped them to achieve and they owe something in return.

Diane

On Sun, Sep 23, 2012 at 9:17 AM, Wayne Tyson <landrest [at] cox.net> wrote:

>
> CoHo:
>
> I appreciate Berman's ironic humor--one of the best tests for
> maturity--but since the "spoiled" attitude is linked to an individual's
> sense of worth more than external influence (especially in adults), there
> are limited ways that mature individuals can "stop the spoiling" other than
> by setting an example. This requires patience, another signpost of
> maturity--simply not responding to the spoiled brats at all. Spoiled brats
> want reaction to their selfish acts most of all, so ignoring such acts
> rather than reacting to them cuts off the blood supply to the cancer.
>
> A good (small) book on this subject is Dorothy Lee's Valuing the Self:
> What We Can Learn from Other Cultures, Waveland Press, 1976, ISBN
> 0-88133-229-1
>
> Lee's Freedom and Culture (epilogue by Jeffrey Ehrenreich), Waveland
> Press, 1987, ISBN 0-88133-303-4 is also worth reading, expanding upon her
> ideas a decade later.
>
> An interesting aside here is that, while it is by no means universally
> true (if it is true at all, but it seems this way intuitively to me) is
> that more women tend to be more mature (if one can be "more" mature rather
> that just mature or spoiled--a whole can of worms unto itself) than men,
> perhaps because men seem to have developed egocentrism to a "higher" degree
> than women. In either case, it seems to me that being "spoiled" is an
> increasing phenomenon. However, I must add that I do see signs of the
> pendulum swinging back in the direction of maturity on the part of a lot of
> young people.
>
> At the level of culture  itself being a group example of self-absorption),
> some examples of spoiled periods might include Elizabethan England, the
> Roaring Twenties, and the Postwar Period (WWII), not to mention the "Me"
> generation, etc. Cohousing itself seems to be a reaction to the extremes of
> highly spoiled periods, an intuitive yearning for social (cooperative)
> interaction rather than the prevalent "winner take all" attitude which
> isolates people, leading to an almost universal paranoia which is a primary
> precondition for choosing the "spoiled" option.
>
> [Why does the Gettysburg Address start playing over and over in my head?]
>
> WT
>
> PS: Anytime we stop growing we start shrinking.
>
>   ----- Original Message -----
>   From: Monty Berman
>   To: cohousing list ; landrest [at] cox.net
>   Sent: Sunday, September 23, 2012 4:43 AM
>   Subject: RE: 1. Re: resources on individualistic people becoming . . .
>
>
>   9/23
>   Re: transforming spoiled brats of any age: it might help to stop the
> spoiling (a revolutionary idea, perhaps?) and can actually be fun to do,
> too---once you get beyond the wrench of such a drastic approach.
>   Monty Berman
>   EcoVillage at Ithaca, founding member
>   Personal development counseling
>   Relationship coach
>
>   Every time we stand on our own two feet and don’t draw from the
> environment, we develop our own resources.  Fritz Perls, Gestalt Therapist
>
>
>
>
>
>
>   > From: cohousing-l-request [at] cohousing.org
>   > Subject: Cohousing-L Digest, Vol 104, Issue 21
>   > To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org
>   > Date: Sun, 23 Sep 2012 03:16:14 -0700
>   >
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>   >
>   > Today's Topics:
>   >
>   > 1. Re: resources on individualistic people becoming
>   > communityoriented? (Wayne Tyson)
>   >
>   >
>   > ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>   >
>   > Message: 1
>   > Date: Sat, 22 Sep 2012 19:32:54 -0700
>   > From: "Wayne Tyson" <landrest [at] cox.net>
>   > Subject: Re: [C-L]_ resources on individualistic people becoming
>   > communityoriented?
>   > To: "Cohousing-L" <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
>   > Message-ID: <008301cd9933$bc58cb10$7a666b44@wayneb2f97d881>
>   > Content-Type: text/plain; format=flowed; charset="iso-8859-1";
>   > reply-type=original
>   >
>   > Honorable fellow humans:
>   >
>   > Maturity and intellectual integrity are not governed by age--I have
> known
>   > mature 12-year-olds and infantile or adolescent-like people who were
> decades
>   > older. Age does tend to be associated with a certain sclerosis of mind,
>   > however, and I would rather live in a community of children than with
>   > so-called senior citizens who are self-centered, opinionated, and
>   > inflexible. The day I stop learning will be the day I become stupid.
>   >
>   > It goes by several names, such as "character" and "grace."
>   >
>   > If there is some formal method that can transform spoiled brats of any
> age
>   > into mature individuals, I'm all for it. Unfortunately, I haven't
>   > encountered one yet. But I will look into "NVC." Thanks for the
> heads-up.
>   >
>   > WT
>   >
>   >
>   > ----- Original Message -----
>   > From: "Jerry Koch-Gonzalez" <jerry [at] cohousing.com>
>   > To: "Cohousing-L" <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
>   > Sent: Saturday, September 22, 2012 6:55 PM
>   > Subject: Re: [C-L]_ resources on individualistic people becoming
>   > communityoriented?
>   >
>   >
>   > >
>   > > what I'd wish for a community is empathic capacity so that without
> blame
>   > > we
>   > > can explore the impacts of our behavior on each other.
>   > > i have found nonviolent communication (NVC) is a useful tool and
>   > > consciousness. restorative circles is an nvc application useful for
>   > > dealing
>   > > with conflicts. we could use more of both of these in our community
> but
>   > > what we do have has been useful in my opinion.
>   > > jerry
>   > > pioneer valley cohousing MA
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>


-- 
Diane Margolis
175 Richdale Av.
Cambridge, MA 02140
617 354 1349

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