Re: Thoughts From a Longtime Cohousing Resident
From: Mariana Almeida (
Date: Mon, 18 Mar 2013 17:02:28 -0700 (PDT)
Just to add, in the workplace, you don't get to pick who you work with. I have 
frequently compared some of my coho neighbor relationships to coworkers. Some 
coworkers you like immediately and create a friendship with. With others, you 
do the work together and actively try to create a bond so that the work goes 
more smoothly next time. There are both kinds in the community I live in.

Adding to Zev's great list:  

5. Having a long fuse. The most problematic relationships for me and others are 
neighbors  who fly off the handle and say terrible things. Guess what? They 
still have to see each other tomorrow and deal with the consequences. Having a 
steady temperament is a good basis for successful, long term relationships.

This is different from the "patience" Zev discussed, because that is more about 
knowing that good things take time. 

4.a. I would further specify the "generosity" that Zev mentioned to encompass 
the sentiment: "we all create this thing together, so get off your duff". One 
of my biggest maturity lessons was to realize that just about everything was 
created by someone, that we are all co-creating everything all the time. We 
have just creators and passive people (or unempowered people). So, I wouldn't 
conflate this attitude of being a creator with generosity. I think they are 
quite separate orientations.

Berkeley Coho, California

PS -- now, how do you design a personality test to effectively weed out people 
who are low on these qualities? 

> From: oz <oz [at]>
>To: Cohousing-L <cohousing-l [at]> 
>Sent: Sunday, March 17, 2013 9:32 AM
>Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Thoughts From a Longtime Cohousing Resident
>Zev, Jerry - great stuff
>Another alternative to Tolerance or Acceptance - which does kick it up a
>notch - is "Celebrate"
>Over the 20 years at Songaia, I've loved connecting with my neighbors,
>including some that I'd never get to know in other contexts. In the
>workplace, at church, in school, we get to pick who we be-friend (and not
>in the trivial Facebook way). Living together, we don't get to pick our
>neighbors - and not even in cohousing after the forming group has done its

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