Re: Question about "dining clubs"
From: Racheli Gai (
Date: Sat, 14 Sep 2013 10:36:33 -0700 (PDT)
I think that this issue comes up in many communities.  If everyone agreed 
what's "rude" and what isn't - the problem wouldn't exist.
We certainly had plenty of conflict around this question in Sonora Cohousing, 
and I can't say that a solution that works for all was ever found.  
(Personally, I see things pretty much along the lines delineated by Diana.)


On Sep 14, 2013, at 9:32 AM, Sharon Villines wrote:

> On Sep 14, 2013, at 12:11 PM, Diana Carroll <dianaecarroll [at]> 
> wrote:
>> For example, I have formed a few very close friendships with some people in
>> my community....I don't think I'm required to be BFFs with everyone just
>> because I am with a few! 
> I think this discussion doesn't have to be taken to extremes and loses its 
> value when it is.
> The original question was about eating clubs that have gone on for years that 
> are exclusive, not inclusive. That would never happen here. I haven't polled 
> everyone on this issue so I can't swear on a Bible but it has never been 
> raised. I can't imagine that anyone would even suggest it. It would be 
> considered hurtful and not what cohousing is about. I don't know another 
> definition of "rude" in our society, meaning the American middle class. Not 
> another part of the world or another time in history.
> This has absolutely nothing to do with having best friends. Everyone is close 
> to some and rarely has contact with others. That isn't the same as telling 
> someone they are not welcome at a dinner in the commonhouse because it is 
> intended only for some community residents. It also has nothing to do with 
> reserving the commonhouse for private dinners with extended families or 
> friends who don't live here, even if another member is included.
> Many people socialize together in their homes or off site and do not invite 
> others.
> But in the piazza or the commonhouse, other people join in. It's "public" 
> common space. It's the space we designed for people to be together and to 
> bring people together. That's its purpose.
> Sharon
> ----
> Sharon Villines
> Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
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