|Re: Question about "dining clubs"||<– Date –> <– Thread –>|
|From: Sharon Villines (sharonsharonvillines.com)|
|Date: Sun, 15 Sep 2013 07:45:11 -0700 (PDT)|
On Sep 14, 2013, at 9:37 AM, Elizabeth Magill <pastorlizm [at] gmail.com> wrote: > I don't want to live in a community that makes it so I can't sometimes meet > with only my closest group of friends. > AND I don't ever want to be in a situation where a person has to stumble on > that not knowing. So I wish for signs that announce PRIVATE EVENT other > strategies to make it clear what is going on. I think there are social cues that conversations are private -- or that it is purposeful in some way for just these two people. A sign makes it a little odd, partly because it attracts attention. Curiosity is aroused. We have what I call a "Vassar Girl" with old school manners who will say, "We're having a head to head here over ___ issue. Can you come back later?" She knows how to navigate the social waters from years of social education. Not all of us have that. But the question was about institutionalized exclusion and how far that can go inside a group and still have one community rather than having like high school, the ins and the outs. How institutionalized can the ins and outs be for how long without affecting the rest of the community. It isn't enough to say form your own group. Forming small groups isn't the point. We don't need cohousing to do that. I find it disappointing that we have lost the sense of one community that we had when we moved in. As new and newer people move in, they are less and less committed or engaged with that idea. There isn't an effort to include everyone. If someone isn't there, a question to be raised about why or an effort to follow through to find out. But then we are much larger. We moved in with 48 adults and now have 65. That's more than 25% increase. And a crucial one. How many people can you make contact with frequently enough to feel as if you know them? How large can a group of people be and maintain a group identity around things like meals and meetings. Meals with more than 25 people get pretty loud and require more organization. What is the tipping point into formality and exclusion, conscious or unconscious, and wanting some of them to go away? In a larger group there are more people of a specific age or status, like couples, so they tend to form a group themselves. In the smaller group that moved in, singles dominated -- in 43 units there were only 5 couples. it is now almost 50-50 but many of the singles have children so they are more involved at home. We've gone from 7 to 20+ children. Only two live in a household with 2 parents. Some people want to not gather sometimes because of difficult children with "relaxed" parenting. I'm sure other communities have reverse demographics. Sharon ---- Sharon Villines, Washington DC "Exhaustion is not about being tired, but about being disheartened." Jerry Koch-Gonzales
- Re: Question about "dining clubs", (continued)
- Re: Question about "dining clubs" Sharon Villines, September 15 2013
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