|Re: Use of email||<– Date –> <– Thread –>|
|From: Lyle Scheer (wonkomonkeyhouse.org)|
|Date: Tue, 11 Feb 2014 13:43:13 -0800 (PST)|
I must caveat this quite a bit because I know which side of the bias I am on.... I've worked all of my professional career in tech companies, where most of the work is done by email. I work from home, and other than email and the phone, I don't have much else to communicate with. Because of this, I've learned long ago not to read emotion into an email, and that when I see emotion coming up in me based on something I've read, I know to question myself. I think this is much harder for people who have not used email much, and that sometimes it is easier just to say, "don't discuss this in email..." However, I also believe that just turning off email is shutting down a potentially valuable channel of communication.... we all lead busy lives and it's not always easy to find a time for everyone to get together. I find facilitation to be very valuable, weather used during meetings face to face, or in the design of a survey to be passed out electronically and results gathered and analyzed to get to the core of what's important in a discussion. Email conversations by their very nature avoid external facilitation. Best if we can all self-facilitate, but that in my experience is something that is learned by use. - Lyle On 2/11/14, 7:45 AM, Rod Lambert wrote: > I think a significant chunk of this discussion can be clarified by looking > at the following quotes from Diana's and then Jim's email: > > Diane: > "But we DO also use it [email] to discuss ISSUES, and yes, sometimes it can > get >> pretty heated. Only very occasionally does it spiral into overt flaming > or >> hostility, but even civil discussions can leave people with hurt or angry >> feelings. But then, that's true of in-person meetings as well. I've left >> plenty of in-person meetings feeling unheard, misunderstood, resentful, >> etc." > Jim: >>> Unfortunately, it's hard to read body language in an email >>> thread! For example, suppose you and I were talking face to face... > Jim is talking about solving a "issue" between 2 people and Diane (and I) > are talking about discussing "ISSUES" by the whole neighborhood. Expecting > to do all the work at a business meeting for some issues is expecting a lot > (we meet only once a month here at EcoVillage at Ithaca). > > Rod Lambert > (with apologies for trying to speak for Diane) > > Date: Sun, 9 Feb 2014 22:54:23 -0500 > From: Jim Mayer <jim [at] pentastich.org> > Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Use of email > To: Cohousing-L <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> > Message-ID: > <CAGYWHRNTT-Gev50ykOdwoX5dOsMkTVHTmCPXHr40QHN8iSjGtg [at] > mail.gmail.com> > Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8 > > I'm not in a co-housing group, but I've been using email for over thirty > years. In my experience, email is most useful when people treat it as if > they are writing a physical letter. It's tempting, though, because email > feels so interactive, to treat email correspondence as if it was a verbal > conversation. Unfortunately, it's hard to read body language in an email > thread! > > For example, suppose you and I were talking face to face. I turn to you > and say, smiling, with an open body posture: "I can't believe you said > that!". Now, suppose I said exactly the same words but with an angry scowl > and my arms tightly crossed. The meanings are completely different! > > Continuing the same example, suppose I said "I can't believe you said > that!", and then noticed that you froze and looked hurt. If I'd been > admiring your chutzpah, I'd know my meaning hadn't gotten across and would > say something right away. > > With email, though, the message I blearily typed at 2:00 am might not be > read for hours, and it could be the next evening before I checked my email > again. A lot of interpersonal damage can happen in a day! > > Group emails can get even messier. You and I may have known each other for > years, and that context can promote understanding, but John Doe, who moved > in last week, doesn't know me at all. It's the difference between a public > letter and a private one. > > It sounds to me like the self-moderation and informal guidelines that Diana > mentioned are working about as well as they could. I've never seen it done > "perfectly". Actually, I wonder if the "difference in philosophy" Diana > mentioned might have to do with differences in learning style as much as > anything else. I find it helpful to write my thoughts down, and I > appreciate it when other's do the same. I've known very smart people, > though, who have a much more interactive learning style. For them, > communication is a contact sport! > > Thanks for the interesting topic! > > Jim Mayer > Rochester, NY > _________________________________________________________________ > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at: > http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/ >
- Re: Use of email, (continued)
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