Re: divorce in cohousing | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Doug Huston (huston![]() |
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Date: Sat, 22 Feb 2014 09:05:35 -0800 (PST) |
Hi Jenny, Our problems did reveal the lack of clarity in policies and expectations that contributed to some of the conflict we experienced. Outside consultants we engaged helped highlight this for us, including pointing out policies that didn’t even exist. Previously, the community had some tensions with another offsite member before. This was also mostly due to expectations, rights and responsibilities not being explicit. That person bought an adjacent house before we were built, because she didn’t want to wait but still wanted to participate. So it was all just kinda abstract at that point. Much of this I’d chalk up to inevitable lessons/growing pains that are just part of the evolution of a community. We’re now seven years old. Although I think we anticipated many things well and crafted appropriate policies (in part because of the experiences of other communities - and thank yous to this list serve), we couldn’t and didn’t choose to anticipate all scenarios. I’ve framed some of this as a divorce situation for a rather narrow policy. Some members view it more like Sharon (posted on 2/10 - "I think it is too complicated to try to write a policy for any specific problem but easier to have a conflict resolution process that can be initiated by any member of the community for any reason.”) and see it as a conflict resolution problem. Others have also discussed addressing it sort of how you are - as an issue of clarity about offsite members. That discussion has included simply eliminating that kind of membership. And there are almost always some sentiments akin to "let’s not tell others what to do” or “don’t tell me what to do." I keep trying to remind myself to be unsurprised by this sentiment, but struggle with that. I didn’t think it would be so prevalent living in community. Silly me. Thanks for your thoughtful response. On Feb 21, 2014, at 10:13 AM, Jenny Guy <jenstermeister [at] gmail.com> wrote: > > Hi Doug, it sounds like you have a type of membership for people who don't > live on-site and aren't owners, and a former resident/owner who is > transitioning to living off-site and not being an owner. The questions in > my mind are: what is the approval process for off-site members, and should > the person moving out have to be approved? And the bigger picture for me > is: is working things out with off-site members as crucial as working > things out with the people who live there? If an off-site member is part of > a conflict, do they have the same expectation of community support with > conflict resolution as residents? Do renters? I guess there would be 4 > categories, resident owners, resident non-owners, non-resident owners and > non-resident non-owners. > > I don't have an opinion on whether it should be equally important, and the > strength of relationships with off-site community members probably varies a > lot in different communities. I was just thinking that those are some > things that might need clarifying in your situation: rights, > responsibilities, expectations and status of different categories of > membership. > > Jenny > Kingfisher Cohousing on Brookdale, Oakland, CA > > > On Thu, Feb 13, 2014 at 8:58 PM, Doug Huston <huston [at] ashlandcoho.com> > wrote: > >> >> >> For me, the idea of this proposal originated when a community member moved >> out during a trial separation. The person who moved offsite announced they >> had every expectation that they would continue to be a fully participating >> member. >> Another event (about which I'm not being transparent out of respect to >> others) brought up for our community a struggle about what are 'personal >> issues' and what are 'community issues.' One of the members involved did >> live 'offsite.' >> >> > _________________________________________________________________ > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at: > http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/ >
- Re: divorce in cohousing, (continued)
- Re: divorce in cohousing Doug Huston, February 13 2014
- Re: divorce in cohousing Sharon Villines, February 15 2014
- Re: divorce in cohousing Karen Scheer, February 17 2014
- Re: divorce in cohousing Jenny Guy, February 21 2014
- Re: divorce in cohousing Doug Huston, February 22 2014
- Re: divorce in cohousing Jenny Guy, March 1 2014
- Re: divorce in cohousing Moz, March 1 2014
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